Christmas Carols

Harry the Gamer

To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman"
With apologies to Walter Rollins, Steve Nelson, and Gene Autry

Harry the gamer
Lives to play Diplomacy.
All he wants to do is take off his shoes
Pop a beer and start to play.

Harry the gamer
Was as drunk as drunk can be.
He put down his booze when he had to choose
And wound up with Italy.

He made a cry and had to try
To see if anyone would trade.
He only got some loud rude laughs;
Even Austria refrained.

He was surrounded
By people he didn't trust.
To the west was France where he had no chance
To avoid being crushed to dust.

His eastern neighbour
Might be coaxed into A-I,
It would be a blast if they made it last
Then they wouldn't have to die.

He didn't trust the Austrian
To keep his word at all.
When Trieste and Venice bounced
He began to dance around.

Harry the gamer
Played his greatest game that night.
Yes he got the win, full of lies and sin,
And then he never played again.

When they would ask why,
He would shake his head and say,
Playing Italy sucked the joy and glee
From my mind and soul that day.

It's the Most Wonderful Time for a Beer

To the tune of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"
With apologies to Eddie Pola, George Wyle and Andy Williams

It's the most wonderful time for a beer.
With your enemies swarming, your temperature warming
Until it is clear
That your most natural drink is a beer.

It's the game you were so sure you would win.
One neighbour's a twit, the other half-wit,
You sat with a grin
And you poured yourself a tonic and gin.

All your navies are floating
And you're sitting back gloating
With them retreating in fear.
Of course no holiday's done
Without some eggnog and rum
Chase it all down with more beer.

Why am I lying face down on the floor?
Units are thinning, the room is spinning,
I can write no more.
Yes my most wonderful game is no more!

N.M.R? You are joking!
I am lying here croaking
My orders for you to hear!
Though I'm under the table
I know that I'm still able
To make myself sort of clear!

It's my least successful game of the year.
I just cannot play in this sad decay.
The lesson is clear.
Yes my most dangerous foe is those beers.