100 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING
TOO MUCH DIPLOMACY

by "Airborne" and other contributors

The following list was compiled from a thread that appeared on the phpdiplomacy forum, and submitted by "Airborne". Of course, we here at the Pouch aren't sure it's actually possible to play too much Diplomacy… and #11 doesn't belong in this list, it's just common sense! Still, we hope you enjoy it.

100 signs that you have been playing Diplomacy too much:

  1. You believe the Battle of Lepanto had to do with an Italian army landing in Syria
  2. You are confused as to why Hitler didn’t use his army in Ukraine and Sevastopol to support Warsaw into Moscow.
  3. You spend more time talking to Germany than to your wife/girlfriend
  4. You can fill a shelf with your collection of Diplomacy variants
  5. When you wear red you want to play as Austria, etc
  6. You memorized every region's positions, abbreviation, and properties
  7. You finished two games in one day
  8. You are playing more than 10 games
  9. All your base are belong to us
  10. You go to your browser history and the first 50 sites are Diplomacy sites
  11. You have read all of the articles in the DP Pouch
  12. You are confused when you get to Tunis it’s called Tunisia
  13. You claim the Russians are cheaters since they have boats on BOTH coast of St. Petersburg
  14. You're surprised to discover that France does not actually control Spain and Portugal
  15. You went to court for attacking an Italian talking about Trieste
  16. You have a framed photo of a nine fleet convoy
  17. You have fallen asleep on your keyboard playing Diplomacy
  18. You send your kids (armies) to take the neighbor’s yard (German SC) so you can build a new fleet (Cruise Ship)
  19. You called up the German Chancellor warning her of France's stab in Fall 2009, and suggest she move her army to Munich.
  20. None of your friends trust you
  21. When you describe your trip to Europe as F Mao-Bre, A Bre-Pic…
  22. You wonder why didn’t Germany in WWI didn’t invade Denmark and Holland for the SCs
  23. You are surprised when you hear rumors about people going into Switzerland
  24. You insist in History class that Germany did win WWI and controlled 18 SCs
  25. Your favorite number is 18
  26. (from Jacob) you make lists about how to tell you've been playing too much Diplomacy...
  27. (from OMGNSO) You evaluate how likely your mother is to stab you before talking to her.
  28. (from rador) You evaluate your school for invasion, where each room is a SC.
  29. You learn world geography by conquering Europe
  30. (from Jamiet99uk) When you sit down at the computer for the first time that day, you check the progress of your games before you check your email.
  31. (from DingleberryJones) You think this list is funny
  32. (from Ursa) You tell your friends to 'hold' here.
  33. (from BigZombieDude) You equate making decisions in your daily life to 'supporting' moves and a trip to the shops with your other half to an 'SC' just because you know that will keep her quiet.
  34. (from Culoman) Think of your own map version, in order to include more detail and provinces for your country
  35. (from Submariner) You check your Diplomacy moves on your iPhone before you say good morning to your partner
  36. You decide to go on holiday to Sardinia and Crete so you can claim them as yours… This map doesn't allow it to happen in games
  37. You schedule business meetings / holidays / school visits to territories on the board you have never visited before so you can claim your own personal '18' SCs
  38. Friends who come to visit your house advise you on how you can arrange your PC so you can "play that computer game thing while watching "telly"
  39. (from Poseidon) You forget that the correct spelling of the country of Romania is not "Rumania" anymore.
  40. (from Glorious93) You could draw Europe with 1914 borders with your eyes closed, but can't name any modern eastern European countries.
  41. (from Invictus) You forget that Egypt exists.
  42. (from Friendly Sword) You think that it takes the same length of time to go from Norway to Naples as it takes to go from London to Paris.
  43. (from figlesquidge) You get more annoyed with yourself for submitting the wrong orders than missing a question in an A-level exam just because you didn't check the back of the paper.
    (Yes, I was impressed with my dedication when it happened, but starting to get really really worried now!)
  44. (from Invictus) You think Ireland is part of Liverpool.
  45. (from Nebuchadnezzar) You never understand how traveling on land could be faster than traveling on sea
  46. (from Mathias) You develop a sense of paranoia around people from Austria.
  47. (from Glorious93) You refuse to acknowledge the world outside of Europe.
  48. (from Maniac) When you argue with your wife and you suggest you DMZ the kitchen and she looks blank.
  49. (from Biddis) You check back every 5 minutes until that crucial reply from Germany comes through, you confirm, and check in every 5 minutes til they confirm again!!!! (Well for a couple of my games it's been like that…)
  50. (from DingleberryJones) You think Risk is for children (flame war incoming!)
  51. (from Invictus) You don't start a flame war over hearing someone say Risk is for children.
  52. (from Nebuchadnezzar) What you do becomes the opposite of what you say :P
  53. (from scagga) You think your relationship with your girlfriend is lacking in diplomacy.
  54. (from itacv2) You can’t stop thinking: "Is this the right time to stab his back?"
  55. You believe that no one believes a word you say.
  56. (from cteno4) You forget that Poland is a real country.
  57. You think the only way to travel from Tunis to Syria is via a water route.
  58. You try to find stalemate lines on a Risk board.
  59. You try to find stalemate lines on a SCRABBLE board!
  60. You think that it takes 18 units to conquer Europe when it actually requires OVER NINE THOUSAND
  61. (from idealist) You tell the teacher that you need to check an important email during class but instead checked Diplomacy.
  62. (from Invictus) You have closed an instant messaging system with your girlfriend so you can concentrate on saying just the right thing to that idiot Austria.
  63. You no longer think France is worthless, but you do think Italy is.
  64. You have taken at least an extra two hours to finish your paper because you were logged onto Diplomacy.
  65. You think jokes involving turn of the century European power politics are funny.
  66. You are surprised when your friends don't.
  67. You do not acknowledge the existence of airplanes.
  68. The days leading up to a guaranteed win are some of the best ever, even if everything else going on sucks.
  69. You don't find it too odd that England controls Iceland in 1901 but France doesn't own Corsica and Italy doesn't own Sardinia.
  70. You've considered multiaccounting just to see if you could get away with it.
  71. (from Xapi) When they send you to a full day class from work, without Internet, and in the hour you have for lunch, you go to a internet place instead.
  72. (from Invictus) You start applying your Diplomacy strategies to real life, and are disturbed at how well they actually work.
  73. (from dangermouse) You cancel a vacation because there won't be internet access.
  74. You get the promotion by lying and backstabbing a more qualified/senior co-worker.
  75. (from rador) Being able to come up with 50+ ways to know you play too much Diplomacy
  76. (from denis) You have an account on this site
  77. (from milestailsprower) Counting which of these items actually apply to you
  78. (from Onar) Following more than one of these things.
  79. (from airborne) You can play a full Diplomacy game in your mind
  80. (from rador) Checking the forum every minute to see if this has been updated
  81. (from idealist) First thing you do when you wake up is Diplomacy, and the last thing before sleep. Forgot the stove was on while checking Diplomacy… and had to grab a fire extinguisher before dialing 911.
  82. (from Invictus) You forget how strange "support hold" sounds in everyday conversation.
  83. (from airborne) Your favorite pick up line "I'll support you to Belgium, baby"
  84. (from djbent) You take the slightly more expensive bus service to nyc so you can use their free wireless to check your games and press on your day trip
  85. All you can think about during a daylong meeting for work without access to internet is that maybe you didn't do the final update to your moves, and your ally will think you stabbed, when really you just f$%#ed up and couldn't get to the internet when you figured it out.
  86. (from Invictus) Your soccer team is Turkey, and you get confused because your jerseys are purple, not yellow like you think they should be
  87. (from thejoeman) Variants fascinate you.
  88. (from saffordpc) When you realize you have trouble counting past 18 because every number after that is irrelevant
  89. (from idealist) You posted more than once on this thread
  90. you are willing to sacrifice sleep for a live game… but the game never happened.
  91. (from EdiBirsan) When you go to Vegas and play Roulette you only play number 18… and win, of course.
  92. When you are asked why you are opposed to the war in Iraq, you explain that there is no supply center there.
  93. When you hear the international news and your first reaction is 'what is the real story and who is supporting whom?'
  94. You time your vacation travel around Face to Face events.
  95. You really do think that EDInburgh is in England.
  96. You describe your best friend as someone who you would trust to hand your mortgage payment to the bank in cash, but would not trust him to support you to Belgium.
  97. When your wife is going to have a baby you go to 'support' class, not Lamaze Class.
  98. When your know the borders of Galicia better than those of Montana.
  99. You can spell Marseilles but not Connecticut.
  100. When you break down the relationships in business into strategic alliances, tactical alignments, and diplomatic channels.

Big thanks to all those who posted!

"Airborne" c/o The Editor
(editor@diplom.org)

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