Gunboat with press: One signed up so far.

Perestroika Diplomacy: Add an economic twist to the classic game. Centers generate revenue, armies and fleets must be maintained, and treasuries can be sacked! Rules are available on request.

Signed up: Art Schleinkofer, Phil Reynolds, Harold Reynolds

Standard Diplomacy: That’s it, the one and only original

Signed up: Fred Wiedermeyer, Hank Alme

Just the results please: Don’t really know what to call this one as I just came up with it. Perhaps it’s been tried before. The twist for this variant is that each season only the ending unit positions are published, not the orders. You’ll know who went where, but not who helped whom, or want may have been tried unsuccessfully.

Signed up: Phil Reynolds

A new game for 3-4 players. Manager your factory and build your products, but beware, increased production means more waste, and if you aren’t careful you’ll find that working in a sludge pit affects your productivity and the bottom line.

Game Start: Guest GM Richard Weiss. David Partridge, Chris Hassler, Eric Brosius, Harold Reynolds

Game Opening: Signed up: Richard Weiss, Andy York,

Railway Rivals: Be the first to try out Brendan Whyte’s new Queensland map.

Signed up: Brendan Whyte, Rip Gooch

Outpost:

Snowball fighting: Current game is over. Anyone interested in another go?

Signed up: Tom Howell

Signed up: Brendan Whyte

Reader’s Choice: I’m open to anything, just send me the rules and if I think I can run it, I’ll offer it.

Tinamou appears in every other TAP. The game deadlines are always the Monday before the appropriate TAP deadline, which is always a Saturday. Assuming that TAP remains on schedule, the next deadline will be Monday, May 26

Dans - Pelaton: No points for us at the first checkpoint, we fear!

2003 USA POET LAUREATE DONALD RUMSFELD:

"The Unknown"
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.
-Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing

Tom to GM: Mmmm. Perhaps. Then someone forgets to read their vonNeumann & Morgenstern and throws moves the shape of a monkey wrench into the works!

Edith to GM: You should disqualify George! This is a bicycle race, no motor powered scooters allowed!

GM to Edith: This is GEORGE we are talking about. He’s sure to run out of gas or get a flat or something. Then he’ll have to lug that thing along and you’ll go zooming by. The only thing we can be sure of is it won’t be his fault!

TBG to GM: A WHOLE lot of people wish he'd go away!

Field - GM: A twelve? in this crowd, a twelve ain't no sprint!

GM – Field: No, but it is above the average which was a mere 10.7!

Edith to GM: I'm pretty sure I know who'll pick up the first four places at the first sprint line. After that, however, I think it's gonna be a matter of whoever is forced to pass 40 by their cards who scrapes up the little points.

Edith to herself: Unless SOMEBODY surprises me.

GM – Edith: Did you figure on Barbarella’s sprint to the front?

Jerry - field: look at me! I'm making tons of dough in syndication!

George - Jerry: Somehow, I'm not.

Frank - Kramer: Kramer, get up there!

Frank - Elaine: You, too!

Elaine - Rove: "War" is not a valid re-election strategy. Remember what Tolstoy said: "War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing!"

Kramer - Bo: Have you seen my license plate?

Elaine - Four Kingdoms: I'd watch out for Barno's team if I were you. Your A rider is down and your B rider is on The List.

George - Jerry: This is easy with my motorized scooter! We're winning!

Frank - George: Lloyd Braun has already crossed the first sprint line. You're useless!

Frank - Ian: what is the story with your team? Who are they?

Your D rider sounds suspicious. He might be on The List run by Barno's B rider.

MIKE to DAVE: "pellaton"? It's all Greek to me. (Perhaps originally a foot-racing term or, more likely, a Greek or Macedonian term of military formation.) I could be wrong but that's what comes to mind without cheating by resorting to reference materials. (That's the GM's job in any case where it "matters".)

HOMEGROWN EVIL {acting as DEVIL'S ADVOCATE) to FOUR KINGDOMS OF DANIEL:7 : Is the crisis that will follow the current Iraq war in fact the opening of the prophesied Final Days? Will it be plague (unleashed by

Saddam's final bunker mentality or "standing orders"), or fireball as the Judeo-Christians of the Eagle totem nuke the Islamic countries for turning into a billion-person jihad against the new Crusader invasion? My money's on the latter, because of the lyrics to an old slave song of Noah's Ark: "And the Lord hung a rainbow as a sign: Won't be water but fire next time."

JOHN ASHCROFT to THE OTHER TEAMS: We have no worries about having enough young team members for future cycling. Did you like the way I turned the "No Child Left Behind Act" into the "No Child Left Unrecruited Act"? 670 pages into the law's text, I slipped in a requirement for every high school to give the government a list of everyone old enough for us to go after, even if they and their parents object.

Mike – GM: Don't we get a Bike Race Custodian Number?

GM – Mike: I'd be happy to ask for a number, who's the BRNC, John or someone else?"

Mike – GM: Well, John/Dick/Donald/Karl actually run everything, but the war on terrorism has denied them time to designate a BRNC. I don't think we've actually had something that silly since the Snowball Fighting Number Custodian in the early '90s. Jim-Bob might be able to tell you who and

when that was.

GM – Mike: Well heck, why don’t I just volunteer? I designate this game #007.

Mike – GM: I’ll back that.

WASHINGTON, DC: The Dominion of Canada today launched "Operation Global Goalie", an all-out attack on the United States using combined air/sea/land forces supported by Goose bombers, Power-Play missiles, Curling-Stone unmanned drones, and Gretzky A/F-99 attack helicopters.

Units of the Canadian "Glacier" special forces are attempting to secure the White House, the Capitol, and American Type Culture Collection (ATCC), which, between 1985 and 1989, sent Iraq anthrax bacteria and germs that cause meningitis, influenza, botulism, lung failure and tetanus. Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien cited the same reasons used by the USA government to justify attacking Iraq:

(1) "They attack other countries in defiance of the United Nations." The USA did this in Iraq, and decided over a year earlier that they would attack with or without UN approval, after the American public had been "prepared".

(2) "They have weapons of mass destruction - nuclear, biological, and chemical." The USA has more nuclear weapons ready to deliver by airplane or missile than any other nation. The USA has more nuclear weapons in hidden storage, in case all the mounted ones get used or destroyed, than any other nation. The USA has for the last half-century

been the world leader in biological weapons development. The US CIA has been testing mock biological bombs and built a bioweapons production facility in Nevada, in violation of the Biological and Toxin Weapons Convention. The USA refused to report this research to the Bioweapons Convention, deliberately evading a UN mechanism to enhance ransparency

and trust between nations. The USA is a world leader (despite years of destroying part of its stocks of certain older chemicals banned by treaty) in military deployment of chemical weapons of many types. Several drug classes (e.g. benzodiazepines, alpha-2-adrenoreceptor agonists) and individual drugs (diazepam, dexmeditomidine) were added in recent years but categorized as "non-lethal".

(3) "They have proven they're willing to use nasty weapons." The USA is the only nation to use nuclear weapons in war or terrorism (in these two cases, the use of terror to persuade Japan to end a war). The USA maintains a "strategic ambiguity" about where it has nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons deployed, and about whether it would

use them against enemies who used such weapons first.

(4) "They oppress their own people and deny them their liberty." The Prime Minister listed numerous recent laws such as the "USA PATRIOT Act" and numerous law proposals such as the failed TIPS proposal, its Total Informatin Awareness System replacement, and the proposed Domestic

Security Enhancement Act of 2003.

(5) "They disregard the opinion of the international community." The USA/UK war proposal in the UN Security Council was opposed by three veto-holding members and by a majority of the 15 council members. But the policies known as the "Bush Doctrine" announced in a September 2002

National Security Strategy white paper are being carried out in Iraq and several surrounding countries. The USA claims "self-defense" justification for pre-emptive attacks anywhere they see as a threat, regardless of UN or other outside bodies' political approval. The USA has been indicted and found guilty by the International Court of Justice of conducting large-scale terrorist actions against Nicaragua. It at first refused to admit the court's jurisdiction, then showed its contempt for the court by not even attending the rest of the proceedings. And it ignored the court's judgement and refused to pay the reparations due toNicaragua.

(6) "They serve as a source of terrorists, and as a haven for

terrorists." The USA was the base of operations, and the birthplace, and the military trainer of Timothy McVeigh, who used explosives to destroy a USA federal government building in Oklahoma City.

Chretien promised to try to avoid civilian casualties and offered hopes that the war would be brief and regime change would come quickly, in the interest of world peace.

GM to Canada: Why not just take the usual route with our problems and ship them somewhere else? Iraq needs a new president, I volunteer George W. Bush! He’ll love it there. The climate’s a lot like Texas. There are no term limits. Lots and lots and lots of guns around. Plenty of popular support for Faith Based Initiatives, and, best of all, he can keep his daughters locked up in the house and no one will complain about it!

Black Bottomed Girls (Brendan Whyte) 5 points

Homegrown Evil (Mike Barno) 0 points

Thin Bottomed Girls (Tom Howell) 6 points

Manager: Edith

The Four Kingdoms of Daniel Chapter Seven (Eric Brosius) 0 points

The Front Men (Jim Burgess) 0 points

Manager: Ian Curtis

The Team About Nothing (Rick Desper) 18 points

Manager: Frank Costanza

Jim correctly guessed Rick Desper as Shrek the Ogre, and Richard Weiss as The Dalton Brothers. No one had any trouble picking Jim as the Aboobable snowman. Jim’s guess of Harry Andrushak as the Snowman with Balls was incorrect though, and no one detected the presence of the master as he quietly shared the top of the board.

Shrek the Ogre: Rick Desper

Snowman with Balls: Brendan Whyte

Aboobable Snowman: Jim Burgess

Dalton Brothers: Richard Weiss

Snowshoe Hare: Pete Gaughan

For those who are interested, the maps can be seen on the web. They don’t reproduce well here unfortunately as there is a lot of detail and it really needs color to differentiate the different rail lines. Towns in uppercase denote the first player to connect the town (6 point bonus).

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TURN is Transcontinental Urbanising Rail Network ARAB is American Railway Agglomeration of Baghdad

HUBRIS is Have U Been Railroading In Snow? SPIKE is Special Purpose Industrial Kartage Enterprise COB is Cambria or Bust

HUBRIS to GM: Jeez. Two sixes and I still can't use those movement rolls to get over one mountain efficiently. Instead I'm spending round 1a building a couple of three-digit Interstates.

GM to HUBRIS: Someone’s got to build the Beltway!

Winchester (7) - Al Quodo d' Utopia (1)

Baltimore (4) - Charlotte (9)

Wilmington (6) - East Cambria (3)

Baltimore (5) - Oswego (10)

* As SPIKE had already built to V47, he gains 6 for this city appearing on his line.

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SBB is Schweizer Bundesbahnen (Red) HANG is Highly Automated Narrow Gauge (Blue)

UDR is Useless Desert Rails, Ltd. (Green) TRAIN is This Rail Association is Nameless (Orange)

SPICEBLOW is Saharan Partnership Internationally Concealing Evidence for Bereaved Loaded Online Widows (Purple)

Rolls for round 6: 5, 5, 5

Harold chooses Set #3. Eric takes Set #5 (second choice was set 1). Richard takes Set #4 (then 3, then 5). Andy asks for 3, then 4, then 5 and finally settles for set #2.

7.1.a) Harold sells an order, using up 4 raw materials, generating $18M and 4 waste.

Eric actions off his raw materials. Rich bids 6. Andy passes. Harold bids 9 and Eric takes the money.

Rich sells an order, using up 2 raw materials, generating $16M and 4 waste.

Andy plays innovation, spending $5M to move his rationalization peg one space.

7.1.b) Harold plays Waste Disposal

Eric plays Waste Disposal

Rich plays Waste Disposal

Andy disposes of his own version of waste by firing a worker.

7.1.c) Harold auctions off his Raw Materials. Eric opens the bidding with $8M. Rich and Andy pass and Harold pays his going price

of 9 to the bank.

Eric plays Innovation, spending $5M to reduce his waste production.

Rich plays Waste Removal, losing one waste and bumping everyone else's up by one.

Andy discards his Bribery card.

7.1.d) Eric and Rich both opt not to play and retain their order cards.

7.1.e) Harold pays $4M in end of turn costs.

Eric pays $3M in end of turn costs.

Rich pays $5M in end of turn costs.

Andy takes out a loan ($10M) to pay his $3M in end of turn costs.

Richard Weiss will be guest GMing this game. The players are David Partridge, Chris Hassler, Harold Reynolds and Eric Brosius. I am also going to start another game, with Richard and Andy York already signed up.

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Couldn’t entice any new players, so we are off with the same 5 as last game. Apparently fearful that their interstellar dotcoms might quickly go bust, most of the companies are currently unnamed.

• Kevin buys a WaF (Wa10, Wa5, Or5) and transfers pop to man it.
• Michael buys a WaF (Wa8, Wa4, Or5, Or2, Or1) and transfers pop to man it.
• Andy buys a WaF (Or1, Or3, Or4, Or4, Or8) and transfers pop to man it.
• Chris buys a WaF (Or5,Wa6, Wa9) and a pop (0r3, Or4, Or4)
• Eric buys a WaF (Or2, Or4, Wa7, Wa7) and transfers pop to man it

How lucky can you get? Recently I faced the annual problem of what to get for my wife for her birthday. Being a typical cartoon husband I latched upon the classic gift of …. TOOLS! Yes, I bought my wife a bandsaw for her birthday. Here’s where the lucky part comes in. This gift was by request! My wife likes tools. I am perfectly welcome to fill up our basement workshop with all kinds of fun toys tools, disguising them as birthday and Christmas presents. The only complaint I have is that because she’s home during the day, she gets to use them more than I do.