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Okay, we’ve got a couple of game starts this time. Fat Bottomed Girls (Breaking Away) is off and peddling. Ozone (Industrial Waste) is ready to start polluting our skies and the first moves for Perdix (Railway Rivals) is in. Getting closer, but still looking for a Diplomacy start!

Tinamou appears in every other TAP. The game deadlines are always the Monday before the appropriate TAP deadline, which is always a Saturday. Assuming that TAP remains on schedule, the next deadline will be Monday, September 30.

FOOTBALL!!!

Players are assigned their top choice. Where there is a tie, one player is randomly determined to receive the team. If a player wins such a tiebreaker, they receive a –1 rating. If they lose they received a +1. In any ties, the player with the highest rating is automatically assigned the team, the random determination only coming into play when players have equal ratings. This ensures a relatively fair distribution of early choices to players.

For each game that one of a player’s teams wins, that player receives a point (starting with the regular season). The player with the most points at the end of the regular season wins. The season is broken into four quarters. Players may register trades for unclaimed teams at any time; these trades (and the change in which team scores points for the player) take place at the start of the new quarter. A player may trade to pick up a team that has been traded away by another player even though the quarter has not changed, but a player may not trade back to a team that that player released during the current quarter.

A quick example:

It’s week two and Dave has St Louis, Arizona and Pittsburgh.

He trades away Arizona for the unclaimed Titans. The change in ownership (and in point scoring) does not take place until week 5 (start of the second quarter), but another player may now trade for the available Arizona (which trade will also take place in week 5). Dave may not trade back for Arizona until after the second quarter starts. If he did, he would get Arizona at the start of the third quarter.

Low maintenance, fun, gives you a reason to look at the scores. Any takers?

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And we are off. Well, we are named anyway. We’ll be off next issue as the girls start pedaling. Can Tom Howell be upset from his throne? Edith doesn’t think so. Vegas doesn’t think so. Anyone else care to weigh in?

Black Bottomed Girls (Brendan Whyte)

Homegrown Evil (Mike Barno)

Thin Bottomed Girls (Tom Howell)

Manager: Edith

The Four Kingdoms of Daniel Chapter Seven (Eric Brosius)

The Front Men (Jim Burgess)

Manager: Ian Curtis

The Team About Nothing (Rick Desper)

Manager: Frank Costanza

Woolworth II-D: Who’s Your Buddy?

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In the words of Art Schleinkofer, the illustrious head of state of the combined empire of Italy and Russia, the result is no longer in doubt and they deserve credit for a valiant fight.

I don’t think there’s any doubt that Art’s right, after all Italy could simply throw three centers to Russia although I think that the IR steamroller wasn’t going to be stopped anyway. Congratulations to Art on his "virtual" win and to everyone else for putting up a stiff fight.

Art Schleinkofer: Italy/Russia

Karl Muller: Germany/Austria

Rick Copeland: Spain/Scandinavia

Brad Wilson: England/Balkans

Sara Reichert: France/Turkey

Doug Kent (Fall 1905)

John Power (Fall 1907)

I can’t say when people tumbled to IR being a joint power, if they did, but obviously it was a bit too late to do any good. Anyone wishing to send in an EOG is welcome to. I get the feeling that while the concept was good, the reality didn’t quite live up to it for this variant, but feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, things look different from this vantage point!

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A few more players have joined the lists, but we are still short of a new diplomacy game. Come on now, prove that this hobby isn’t dying!!

Gunboat: Either with or without press, players preference. One signed up so far.

Fog of War: Phil Reynolds variant where you only see what your units can see. Best not leave that back door open, someone might slip in.

Dead of Night: Forget what your units can see, you only know where your units are. Everything else is a mystery. Only for the truly perverse! Makes Fog of War look like Light of Day.

Perestroika Diplomacy: Add an economic twist to the classic game. Centers generate revenue, armies and fleets must be maintained, and treasuries can be sacked! Rules are available on request.

Signed up: Art Schleinkofer, Phil Reynolds, Harold Reynolds

Standard Diplomacy: Nothing new, nothing novel. The only twist to this game is that I strongly encourage players without email to join up. The long deadlines make it easier to get those negotiations in. That is not to say that I do not want people with email joining, but please do not do so unless you are prepared to negotiate fully with those people who don’t have email and rely on the Postal Service.

Signed up: Phil Reynolds, Chris Lockheardt?, Bob Dowrey, Hank Alme, John Powers

Black Hole Diplomacy: Watch the spaces disappear and the trips to the other side of the board get shorter and shorter. No stalemate lines in this variant. Great for those who like a free-for-all.

Signed up:

Just the results please: Don’t really know what to call this one as I just came up with it. Perhaps it’s been tried before. The twist for this variant is that each season only the ending unit positions are published, not the orders. You’ll know who went where, but not who helped whom, or want may have been tried unsuccessfully.

Signed up: Phil Reynolds

Industrial Waste: A new game for 3-4 players. Manager your factory and build your products, but beware, increased production means more waste, and if you aren’t careful you’ll find that working in a sludge pit affects your productivity and the bottom line. The first game is underway, I’ll take signups for a second if anyone is interested.

Railway Rivals: I’m going to open a second game running Eric Brosius’s Transcontinental USA map with his variant rules (cities appear on the map as the game progresses rather than being predetermined). The map is available on the web site. Anyone who wants to play and needs a paper copy let me know. Signed up: Eric Brosius, Conrad von Metzke, Mike Barno, Brendan Whyte. Need one or two more.

Outpost: I’ll start taking names now for another game to start when the current one ends or is on its last legs.

Reader’s Choice: I’m open to anything, just send me the rules and if I think I can run it, I’ll offer it.

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And we break through the 10 VP barrier, so lots of new goodies to bid on this time. I’ll keep a game or two going, so anyone interested in a new game please sign up.

• MMC opens the bidding on the Heavy Equipment and wins it for 36 (Mwa, Wa6).
• RDC opens the bidding on a Warehouse and wins it for 25 (Wa9, Wa8, Or2, Or1, Or5).
• SWIFTSURE buys two Water factories (Wa8, Wa8, Wa7, Wa7, Wa5, Wa4, Or1) and transfers pop to man them.
• HDBC VI buys a Titanium factory (Or3, Or3, Wa7, Ti8, Wa9) and transfers pop to man it.
• Bartertown buys two Titanium factories (Wa10, Wa10, Wa10, Wa9, Wa8, Wa7, Wa6) and transfers pop to man them.

Perdix map

SBB is Schweizer Bundesbahnen (Red)
UDR is Useless Desert Rails, Ltd. (Green)
SPICEBLOW is Saharan Partnership Internationally Concealing Evidence for Bereaved Loaded Online Widows (Purple)
HANG is Highly Automated Narrow Gauge (Blue)
TRAIN is This Rail Association is Nameless (Orange)

The rolls for round 2 are: 4 5 6

And, we have press!!!

(SPICEBLOW to ALL): We just got psionic notification of a huge blow of anti-aging spice in Doba in far southwestest Trans-Chari province. This will enable our railway to keep chugging at full speed -- perhaps even manage a breakaway -- in future years when all other railroad operators are slowing their cruising speeds and taking frequent breaks for refurbishing.

(SPICEBLOW to INVESTORS): Never mind the pundits talking about the so-called dot-com boomtowns in the northern part of the country. The recent spice blow will make southwestern Chad the home of Africa's most sustainable growth, fueling a huge need for our transportation services. Besides, experts in Australian railway systems know that sandstorms periodically bury track laid in desert conditions like the nation's interior. Buy SPICEBLOW stock!

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Okay, I’m as new to this as the rest of you with the exception of Eric, so any ideas on changing the way I’m reporting it are welcome.

Orders needed for part one are your preference list for the sets. The number of sets a player needs to list (in preference order) is based on their play order. As Richard is first this round, he will get the set he picks. Andy needs to submit two sets as Richard might take his first choice and so on. Play order will rotate each round, thus Andy will play first next round. Please submit your set preferences as soon as possible and I will distribute the results. We should be able to play at least one full turn each issue. Depending on the demands on your and my time we can move faster than that.

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Cold Day in ... Map

And the heavens rain down on the Boob! Snow flies from every direction, but face to face conflict seems to make people flinch and the Boob and the Brothers miss each other in the opening exchange. With his back turned though Boob is a tempting target and the ballsy one plants a dirigible on the back of his head, while Shrek adds an earring (left ear, if you’re wondering). Of course, that rule about turning your back applies to everyone and while SB is sneaking up on Boob, the Snowshoe Hare hops quietly out of the kitchen with a couple of snowballs and plants them both on SB’s back. It’s a close race with everyone except the Dalton Brothers within one victory point of each other.

And a little reminder that you are all welcome to submit guesses as to whom the other players are. Bragging rights are on the line.

Is the Boob really the Boob?

Snowman with Balls: Here, Aboob, this thing's bigger than both of us.

Snowshoe Hare to Boob: Why don't you take some time off? Like a couple of months? After all, you looking like you're sagging...

Shrek -> world: OK, it's time for Boob to go!

GM: It’s so nice to see you all agreeing on something!

Snowshoe Hare to Shrek: Well, hike you too, buddy!

Snowshoe Hare to Snowman with Barely Balls: WHAM! Oh, sorry, you shouldn't stand right behind the door. WHAM! Oh, sorry, you shouldn't stand in the yard when I have snowballs.

(BOOB to SNOWSHOE HARE): Why should I move when the Daltons come to me?

GM to Boob: Uhm, because other things are coming to you too? Cold, wet things.

(BOOB to RICHARD): Take these as if I was firing them at you!!

(BOOB to DALTON BROTHERS): But what if we are guessing RIGHT??

(BOOB to SHREK): If I'm vainly dodging, it still is keeping me in the lead.

(BOOB to GM): I'm getting within striking distance. I almost went with the Dirigible, but I expect that Richard or the Daltons or whoever they are are gonna be retreating! I retreat before no man or beast or snowmonster or ANYTHING!!

GM to Boob: How about an avalanche? Seems one just landed around you!

Dulton Dalton to High Fung Ku: I don't know much bout fancy language and them eastern belt wearers to keep their robes closed. I have seen Tie Ku, so is High Ku a brother or something?

Dulton Dalton to Snowshoe Haree: Mind if I call you "CareBear?" Or just "Caree" for short. See,I'm a Cubs fan. Then I could pretend that was your Grandfather I listened to all the time on the radio. Then I won't be tempted to cream you (oops, did that by the shed already) as soon as you get out of that firee hell you are in. VPs mean something don't they?

Dilly-dally Dalton to Shrek/the IIIrd: This is a snowball game. Sand and Sandy is not here. I think tht you ought to edit your comments more thoroughly before submitting them. Or just submit to unending hai-rangue. Either you forgot something, or you need to go back to linguistics school and study the form of haiku again. You left out some important components in some.

Sno'Brainless to Shrek: Named after a kids movie hero. A-boob thinks there is a 3rd in the game. You wrote haiku. You assumed that "companion" had only three sylables while requires counted for four - therefore revealing a Southern pro-nun-ci-a-ti-on style. Probably just lack of creativity. More likely bird-brained. What was the name of the game where one guesses yes or not attributes about suspects (white hair, wears a hat, man, . . .)to determine who did it? Well, those are enough clues for me.

Field to A-Boob: I'm covered with snow for chrissakes - except the part of me that is squashed by the shed or paved with flagstones. How in tarnation you expect me to provide press, or feed, or feed-back. However, I will work out a deal, if you are Boob enough to keep your word. You keep scooping up the snow for snowballs, or better even a mendham maniac, and when you get down to the field level, I'll press you but good.

Dilly-dally Dalton to A-Boob-NOT-able hiding in the Snowman: Are you the snowman or the A-Boob-NOT-able Snowman. Hard to tell from this close. Your hood is up, but there is just space in there. You are as headless as the Snowman. Did you by chance toss your head instead of Ichabod's/the Snowmans?

Iditarod Champion Armstrong to Snowshoe Hare: I'm coming with my dogs, running you down, and letting them chow you down. Not that there'd be much of a meal - mostly hot air and particulate matter. Inhale this, Hare!

Dolton Dalton to anyone brave enough to duel, whether you have a banjo or not: If that headless A-Boob is writing all the press what fun could we possibly have?

Dolton Dirigible Dalton - Snowmaster, Yardkeeper: I have decided who the fifth player is in this game. It is not exactly normal for the SM to play at the same time as adjudicating. Let's go get him, gang!

SM (Hmm, I like that better than GM) to DDD: So, then which one am I, or am I you? If you are me, please hit yourself (myself?) in the face with that dirigible for such an egregious violation of etiquette.

Shrek to Shrek:

Balless to Aboobable: Being balless is part of a protected class, please do not reveal your political incorrectness at a time like this. I chose to become balless, however, the therapy is going poorly and my voice is lowering again. Luckily no beard grows on my snow face.

Zamboni to Players, especially SO, time to clean the ice. Wanna ride?

Ice Queen to Shrek: Come to my palace so we can play.

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