December 22 - January 19 Happy Birthday! [So, how did we know that?] Your 2016 forecast is bright! No other Astrological science indicator is as 'spot-on' as the Goat. You are one. The dictionary says "a scapegoat or victim" or a "licentious or lecherous man". Does the shoe fit? Like no other sign, you take misfortune in Diplomacy personally. Even if you're not betrayed, you feel victimized in not winning. Do you think that's fun for the other players? Many players now have to be accompanied by a relative or 'significant others' because of your predatory delusions and actions. A better symbol might be a shark. Idiomatically you personify "to get one's goat, to anger, annoy, or frustrate a person: 'Their arrogance gets my goat'."
January 20 - February 18 All cosmic indicators say you are only invited to face-to-face and tournaments to serve the other players. Your personality lends itself to soft demands: "Would you go run and get me some ice water?" Your flaccid personality and style of play sees you eliminated early, and you are, therefore, very available to wait on the other players and tournament officials. Hey, you've got feelings, too! Them asking you to pick up the tournament trophies (more than 50 miles out of your way) hurts. Most face-to-face parties are at your home. Am I right? On that subject, why don't you invite Sagittarians to your parties? Huh?
February 19 - March 20
Except for Capricorn, the Goat, you most personify your Astrological Science symbol - the fish. Other players are delighted to see you show up - you've established a well-deserved reputation for being "easy". Don't look at me! It's your reputation. You've got to "discover" there are other openings other than the one standard (and stale) you've bothered to read about. Try another some time. For 2016, learn how to pronounce 'Marseilles' and 'Munich' correctly. It's not Mar-sale-ESS' and 'MOON-ITCH'' it's "Mar-SAY' and 'MEW-nick'. The others are laughing at you, not with you.
March 21 - April 19 The outlook for 2016 is hazy. Like beginning the Zodiacal year in late March [what's that about?] - your slow Diplomacy play is remarkable, and is remarked about by the other players. Face it, you're not that good. You know it. They know it. Considering you won a game once (as a late replacement!), why are the invitations so insistent? You're very much like Pisces, the fish - that's why. We'd recommend you stay home, but you won't...
April 20 - May 20 Charting your stars we ask: 'Is capturing Tunis really that much to crow about?' You very much remind the other players of the real Benito Mussolini and his conquest of Ethiopia. Big deal! You've even got the jutting chin down. Warning: Keep it up, and you'll end up like Mussolini did in 1945 at your next tournament. And a reminder: the game board is for playing, not eating. You've dropped / spilled enough material on boards to build a stalemate line.
May 21 - June 20 Your bi-polar personality isn't really sure what year it is! Despite your 'delicate condition' you think you have a firm grip on this year, 2016. [Yeah, sure.] Things could go well, or they could go bad - who knows? Not you! Look, take some advice: Quit trying to be all things to all people - you already are! Ask any two. As for Diplomacy, you're not fooling anyone by playing two, or more, powers on the DPjudge. Most other players are wise to you, and that explains why you and your alter ego(s) are the only ones left in games waiting years for the four or five replacements needed. Duh! Your future face-to-face looks to interrupt the concentration of others players with your soliloquy heated "conversations". That, by the way, is as close as you get to 'solo-ing'.
June 21 - July 22 Now, ask yourself why in Zeus' name would the ancient gods allow someone to be born under this sign? Some spiritual reading along the lines of C.S. Lewis' "The Problem of Pain" is in order. [Say "Lewises" for fun]. The Crab (that's what your known as. Other players naturally avoid you, and find it very uncomfortable to even talk about you (behind your back). What's with your "symbol", too? That's illegal in most of the Western Hemisphere - maybe not Europe... Recommendation: Volunteer to play Austria as often as possible. Go home, go to bed, and get well, you!
July 23 - August 22 Stabbing remains your forte in 2016. Occasionally it is permissable - even reluctantly admired - but your continual lying is more than tiresome to the others. Do you really think your mantra: 1) I gave at the office; 2) The check is in the mail; and 3) I won't betray you - still works? Well, go for it, then. Remember the last face-to-face get-together and the drive home? "Honest, officer, I only had two beers!" News Flash! You've got credibility issues.
August 23 - September 22 The Virgin? Who do you think you're kidding? You haven't left your computer screen for face-to-face parties or tournament play because of performance anxiety. Grow up! If you're really that sincerely concerned with your "newbie" or virgin status just remember: It's like a soap bubble. One prick and it's all gone. Insist on playing France, or ask to be taken home because of cramps.
September 23 - October 22 The prognosis: You'll continue to be wishy-washy. Decide on your allies, and strategy and stick with it! You may be voted the "most likely to be avoided" in the Sport of Soldier/Statesmen. Remember the Sea Lion opening you said you would try with France or was it Germany? They remember it. At least notify your ally de jour that any plans may be subject to change. Like Gemini you try be all things to all people, but in you case it does work. Your style of play is best described as "promiscuous". Let me ask straight-out: 'Do you respect yourself?' When you "decide" to abandon an ally for no good reason - let them know in advance.
November 22 - December 21 For 2016, think of a completing a convoy like a target for a bow-and-arrow. You couldn't hit a convoy if you tried. Asking your opponents 'how to' betrays your intentions. Don't you get it by now? How much money have you wasted in hosting parties and paying tournament entry fees? The year 2016 sees someone in the family getting that L-O-N-G overdue orthodontic work done if you would just quit wasting their hard-earned money (they work) and your time. On another subject why don't you invite Aquarians to your parties? Huh?
October 23 - November 21 We didn't forget you. We see purple and have a sense of "enlargement." You are known to be an extremely sociable individual - that's probably how it became purple and enlarged. The office Christmas party? Not much to say... really. Have you seen a physician about "it"? That would be prudent. Ask Cancer to lend you that book... After what you did to that frog, I'm not very sympathetic. Tata... Born on a cusp? If you were born on the first or last day of a Astrological Science sign, in astrological terms you were born on a cusp. Quite frankly, 'Who cares?' Your Astrological Element: Fire: Considered by many to be mankind's greatest discovery, it is destructive - like most of your relationships. The adage "Don't play with fire" explains why it is so difficult to find games, and for other players to remain in games you participate in. Avoid Water element players. Water: Water can be refreshing, like a cool stream or it can be dark and mysterious like the depths of the ocean. You are neither. You can also, obviously, drown in water. You, for the most part, find yourself "in over your head" in most Diplomacy games you commence. Additionally, water you aren't familiar with can cause gastro-intestinal distress - just like you do. Air: Air is vital, but you definitely aren't. Think of the millions - upon millions - of Diplomacy games played in which you were no part whatsoever, and won't be. Air, also, is the main component of both bad breath and flatulence. A word to the wise, my friend... Earth: Your best venue is play-by-email. Your face-to-face Diplomacy opponents and even allies, quite frankly, resent your personal hygiene - the absence of. Find a Water element player, and take a hint. Demand of your significant other why they didn't tell you. Professor Sibyl Astromancer, holds an associate degree in Liberal Arts, with a minor in numerology. She is a professional denier, currently working to deny that Pluto is not a planet with all the rights and priveleges of other planets. She is the sole founderess of the "Pluto Matters" movement and is a FOX "talking head" on Right to Life issues. She is an avid, avid devotee of Diplomacy, and has filed harassment suits following tournament play. She may appear in quarterly installments. It all depends on the stars - don't you know...
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