Produced by Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287

David Partridge has been moving, see new address below in the Modern game, so Tinamou also has been delayed. I have no such excuse, except to say that I was delayed. Note that the next deadline follows QUICKLY, but should not be a problem as you've had a LONG time to figure out those moves. I was reminded again how unbecoming whining is, so I won't....

THE NEXT TINAMOU DEADLINE WILL BE ??? - TINAMOU DELAYED

The postal sub price is a flat $1.00 per issue in the US and Canada, a bargain at twice the price.... but you can double that for other foreign subbers (or $2.00 per issue sent airmail). Players in current games and standbys will continue to get the issues for free, and future game starts (except for Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy, which is free) cost $20.00 ($15.00 for a life of the game subscription and $5 for the NMR Insurance). Note the price increases for games, with the rates for subbing to the szine holding fixed for the moment. After the current series of games, I probably won't start another until the Modern game ends. The new game at that point probably will be another Modern game with the ``Wing'' rule.

Check out the connections in the Diplomatic Pouch with all of the information you need to play Diplomacy on the Internet at:

/

Through Stephen Agar's (who is still in charge here) Postal portion of the Pouch:

/Postal/Zines/TAP/index.html

the szine resides in html format. Presently, issues from #190 to the current issue are there, and I will be updating the back issues gradually in the near future. Also, check out Stephen's new ``all electronic'' format for Spring Offensive at:

http://www.spoff.demon.co.uk

The most recent issue also can be accessed through David Wang's and Pete Sullivan's web pages:

1) David has grabbed and reserved the HIGHLY prized name: www.szine.com!! His ``version'' of this szine is somewhat more html.friendly than the one I created, so please check it out. David Wang's site also allows you to follow John Caruso's postal baseball league that I am in. A new surge from my Boston Red Sox is putting them in contention for a playoff spot, much as the real Sox are doing now as they prepare for a West Coast Trip....

2) For the most recent issue of Pete Sullivan's subszine check out:

http://www.manorcon.demon.co.uk/octopus/index.html

Pete is looking for Railway Rivals standbys, but otherwise, he is full with games at the moment. Note that two issues appear here to balance the fact that neither Dead Poets Society nor Tinamou do this time.

By electronic mail, through the Internet, subs are free and can be obtained automatically by sending the message: subscribe tap

to majordomo of diplom.org and messages can be sent to the entire electronic mailing list by mailing them to tap of diplom.org which will forward your message to all of the people currently on the list. The message:

unsubscribe tap

sent to majordomo of diplom.org gets you off the list. Please make careful note of that as well since you generally can get yourself off the list a lot easier than I can, and NOBODY likes to see unsubscribe messages sent to the entire list. A big, big thank you for David Kovar for setting this all up!!

I have hints that some people know where Alan Stewart is. How about if they get their acts together and convince Mr. Stewart to write a note! It's worth 50 bucks.... while some are claiming they would rather see Alan stay unfound, I'd like to catch up with him. So there!

This is a regular continuing feature of the szine and I will be introducing a new ``search for'' every five issues. Moreover, you can win a $25 prize for finding some previous target who went unfound in the original $50 period. That means that if Kevin Tighe or Garret Schenck or Jerry Lucas or Al Pearson is ``found'' from now on it is worth $25. Plus, Steve Emmert will throw in another ten spot for Garret Schenck if you can get Garret to write to him. Go for these guys again. Perhaps some of them now can be located via the Internet where they weren't when you looked before - more and more people are active every day!!

Winners will receive credit for Dip hobby activities that I will pay out as requested by the winner. Subscribe to szines here or abroad, run your own contests, publish a szine, finance a web page, or whatever. Spend it all right away or use me as a bank to cover hobby activities for years. What must you do to win? Get me a letter to the editor for TAP from the person we're searching for.

This is very important, just finding them doesn't do it. They have to write me a letter. The final judge as to the winner of any contest will be the target himself and I reserve the right to investigate the winning entry. When you find someone I'm looking for, you should ask him to send me a letter for print that includes a verification of who ``found'' him.

Steve Hutton (Wed, 18 Aug 1999 19:47:43 -0400)

So, a friend asks me to join his team in this ``world email Diplomacy championship" and I agree to be the designated replacement player because, even though I've never actually played by email, I used to be a big-shot postal 'zine publisher and Larry Peery (who apparently has god-like status in the email hobby - go figure) once stayed at my place when I was living in Vienna.

So, one of the guys on the team mentions an article about Italy in a British e-zine and I notice that the same issue has something by Jim Meinel about hobby history, but even though he talks about great 'zines in the hobby's second golden age, and the Great Feud, and 'zines that grew to a completely unreasonable size, he doesn't mention No Fixed Address in any of these categories.

But, I'm OK with that. Really. There were lots of fine 'zines, and footsoldiers in the Feud, and 'zines that just kept growing. Yes, he did find room to mention the 'zine that Julie and What's-His-Name published, but it's not as if I got one-upped by Benzene or The Abyssinian Prince or anything. Really, I'm OK.

Until this so-called team-mate points me to your August 4 issue, where you offer $50 for Alan Stewart and squat for me. Alan Stewart? I might even be able to find him, and since it's apparently my best shot at fame and glory, I guess I'd better try. Alan Stewart?

Mark Lew wonders what I'm up to. Not even $49.95 apparently. I bounced around Europe from 1989 to 1995, then moved back to Canada to an address unknown to Larry Peery. In February of this year, I moved back to Toronto, where I was living when the postal Diplomacy hobby last heard from me.

Is Chris Carrier's death confirmed, or just a rumour? He was (is?) one of my favourite hobby characters, and contributed greatly to NFA's page- and controversy-count. I would appreciate any information anyone has.

((Chris Carrier's death is absolutely confirmed. Some of us received a letter from his parents and a newspaper clipping and everything. I wrote about it extensively in my szine at the time. I'd have to dig to discover which issue that was....))

I'd be very interested, thanks. ((Does anyone recall which one it was?? I haven't managed to locate it yet.))

((And SERIOUSLY, Steve, you were going to be one of my next people to search for, so I will award you one of the key benefits of being found: a lifetime postal subscription to The Abyssinian Prince. Postal address please???))

So, I'm runner-up to Alan Stewart? Well, that's an honour, I guess. OK, I'll shut up and accept the prize: 50 Rosehill Ave #1710, Toronto, ON, M4T 1G6 Canada

((I will print your note in my next issue, if you don't mind!)) I was expecting you to.

((Moreover, by FINDING Alan Stewart for me, you win $50 that you may use to support any activity you like in Dipdom. Since you lost big money producing No Fixed Address, as we all do, I am inclined to reimburse you for past losses; however, I'd first like to give you a shot at figuring out how to spend the $'s.))

Alan Stewart (Sat, 21 Aug 1999 22:53:10 -0400)

Hi, Jim! I'm a little disgruntled that Steve Hutton got paid for finding me, when I am living in the same city, at the same address, and have the same phone number, as when I published PRAXIS. Haven't played DIP in some years, although I wouldn't mind hooking up with Mike Barno and Ig Lew in a game....Got 5-week deadlines (I live in Canada). You really should try to set up a *real old-timers* game. ((I've done quite a few of these kinds of games. This new one with Buddy Tretick and Dwayne Shreve has players that predate you in it. If someone wants to collect more players from among the decrepit retreads on my mailing list into such a game, I'd be pleased either to run it, or to find a GM to run it in a subszine here. I have to keep up my reputation as the old farts service szine.))

I haven't checked up on how Postal Dip has been doing for some years, because I'm afraid what I would find out. Any 'zines left? Games? Before I left I was considering writing a fun article called ``The Last game of Postal Dip". Now I wonder how close we are to seeing that dire thought come true? ((I'd keep going postal just to prevent you from finishing the article!))

Thanx for the lifetime subscription - I think I will enjoy it.

(don't forget the extra postage to Canada!) ((Believe me, I won't!))

The British representative is the editor of Mission From God, John Harrington. John may be contacted at 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex EN1 3UW, UK (johnh of fiendishgames.demon.co.uk or JHarrington of DatastreamICV.com). Please include the full name and address of the foreign publisher with your order, if possible, as well as the szine title. Make your check in US dollars out to me personally or in GBP to John if you're doing things from that end. I will conduct business for Canadians as well, if I can, but prefer to deal in US dollars with them if possible, or Canadian dollars cash. To subscribe to American szines, the system works in reverse.

Obscure and not-so-obscure ramblings on the state of the hobby and its publications, custodians, events, and individuals with no guarantee of relevance from the fertile keyboard of Jim-Bob, the E-Mail Dip world, and the rest of the postal hobby. My comments are in italics and ((double quotation marks)) like this. Bold face is used to set off each individual speaker. I should also make a note that I do edit for syntax and spelling on occasion.

A VERY light discussion is taking place that will address what stance we (the hobby) should take (proactive in some way for sure) toward Hasbro, the new owners of the rights to Diplomacy. More on this will be forthcoming, but it looks like Hasbro might have its version of Diplomacy on the market for the Christmas season and they actually will be employing ``play-testers''. No word on precisely what this means yet, could it mean that they will offer a series of ``official'' variants? Stay tuned.... If you want to be part of the discussion, send the MESSAGE:

subscribe hasbro

to majordomo of diplom.org, it works just like the tap mailing list described below. Sending messages to hasbro of diplom.org sends the mail to the whole list. The big news this time is the beginning of the breakout of Hasbro into official contact with the hobby. See the two messages below.

The game Diplomacy is a copyrighted product owned by Hasbro and all reproductions or other use of that material in this szine is intended to be personal use and not infringe on those rights in any way. All reproductions are done at a heavy financial loss to the editor and thus are without the remotest possibility of commercial intent, except to promote THE game, the Game of Diplomacy, which you all should purchase from Hasbro or other duly licensed distributors.

Andy York (Wed, 11 Aug 1999 23:30:20 -0400)

Scott Morris's comment about finding the best Dip player by having the person earn it in a singular fashion has some flaws. By having the ``winner" resolved by an FTF tournament or email tournament introduces factors that can influence the result. If an FTF tournament, only those who can attend (be it by finances, ability to schedule vacation, etc) would be eligible.

For an email tournament, the requirement of having a reliable email account is necessary (and the ability to access it in a timely manner).

Lastly, each of the incarnations of Dip playing are quite different. FTF Dip playing requires significantly different skills than those used in a PBM game with two month deadlines. For instance, I do fairly well in PBM games (most of my solo wins), a bit less in email games (due to the shortened deadlines) and am absolutely a failure in FTF Dip (and don't enjoy it in the slightest!).

I think the best route is what is done - have the folks in Dipdom vote on who they think is the best player. Granted, someone in many games has a slight advantage due to name recognition. However, almost everyone has a handful of folks that they dread seeing on the game line-up - for the most part the best players who they feel they won't do well against!!

Richard Weiss (Tue, 17 Aug 1999 20:23:00 PDT)

Scott; Your printed comments in TAP about hobby awards and the 3 mediums for playing Dip resonante with my own. As a person with significant knowledge of at least two of the mediums (I don't know about your FTF experience outside of the HouseCons) and a very rational and logical view of Dip as a hobby, would you accept my nomination of you to be a new member of the ``Hobby Awards Committee?"

My personal view is that the Committee will have two true functions. One is the recognition of a number of contributors to the game we love (and as such, I've never been able to get Jim properly honored, despite years of attempting while a Committee member). The other is really more covert and that is to move the PBM Hobby from its insularity while building upon its rich history and its role in making the Game popular enough to have gotten to its current blossoming.

Interestingly, in TAP, just above your letter (probably cleverly done by the editor's subconscious) are questions about the pre-e history of the hobby. Interest lives. ((A good Dipszine editor paces his or her letter column and very definitely puts the letters in a particular order....))

I assume that by cc'ing Jim I will obtain some coercion power in your accepting, and also that this letter/your reply may be open for publication at some future date. ((I want to publish this now in order to second the nomination and so that the Committee can see it!))

While I don't know you yet, I am looking forward to the easy friendship the Hobby allows. Also, I am glad to hear of the AOL community, since my current efforts to find a comfy place for some e-dip hasn't materialized as readily as I imagined it would. And what team have you joined in the CAT23 tourney? ((I am still looking to complete my team, volunteers are cheerfully accepted! Note the rules and announcements on the web page at: http://worldmasters99.diplomacy.org.uk/ Now, switching gears, what do you have to say to ME??))

I've been wondering if Dip would even be sold now if it were not for the PBM Hobby that sprung up around the wonderful creation. I tend to think that without the work of you, your predecessors, and so on, that there wouldn't be an electronic hobby. So, the PBM phase of the Hobby was necessary for the current tri-medium phase (PBM, FTF, e) and the burgeoning popularity. As such, those currently holding positions such as the Zine Register, Awards Committee, etc. should each be thanked and honored.

Scott, and later Roland made some impressive points about awards. Roland comments about voting for best GM and best zine. I agree that votes from people with limited exposure are relatively meaningless. I always thought that the information that was obtained and printed in the Zine Register was much more helpful. For many years, and I think Pete Gaughan deserves much of the credit for the peak years, lots of reviewers provided their input into lots of info about each zine published. To be the highest rated there was much more of an honor. Ditto with GM.

Further about Roland, Jim, you didn't let him slip by with that phoney baloney phrase about ``shared wins!!!" What was he smoking up there in Rhodey? As you so simply stated, he either won or shared and ne'er the twain shall meet. Not in Zero Sum, not in TAP, not anywhere.

((I found Roland's comment especially puzzling given that he played in your szine! Now let's flip to Scott's response...))

Scott Morris (99-08-17 23:23:09 EDT)

Richard, Thanks for the letter. I am glad hear that others have the same concerns I have.

I am interested in helping out the Dip hobby any way I can. What does the ``Hobby Awards Committee" do? What would I be expected to do? Sounds interesting.

If you ever want an email game on AOL please let me know. You want to play in the Tournament? I won't start until the 7th of Sept. You don't have to be on AOL to take part. But we are limiting enrollment so we don't get too huge.

In the Cat-23 Tourney I am on the AOL team. We have a pretty good crew and hope to be competitive.

As far as FTF I played at the Worlds in North Carloina. It was my first FTF competition. It was a lot of fun. My team finished 3rd out of 22.

Diplomacy is a great hobby. Like you I really enjoy the people I meet and have made some great chums. I think Email has only made this better. I also think lots and lots of email players still don't know Zines exist and would enjoy them if they were aware. Postal has a rich history yet to come if people will take the time to get the word out.

Richard Weiss (Wed, 18 Aug 99 19:10:13)

Scott: I always intended to play in a Tourney in Chapel Hill and when they've had DipCon or the Worlds was definitely the time to go. Missed em all so far. Glad that you had a great time and such a good result. I guess that makes you an ``all-3-medium" expert on Dip. Great. We need such to bind all three in their intertwined destinies, to be imbued with enthusiams about the hobby (not, ``the Hobby is shrinking and dying" meaning that there are fewer game starts in fewer zines) ((You mean postal game starts in postal szines. There are more game starts, more players, and more ``szines'', loosely defined, than at any time in Dipdom history.)) and to help keep this an imminently human and interactive hobby. I feel, and have never been denied, that when I am traveling, I can call a Dip hobby person and arrange to meet them for a meal, have a great chat, etc.

The Committee has had certain categories, each named after a famous ``founder." Best zine, best author, done most for hobby, etc. These go back for decades, almost to the creation of the game. But others know much more about the history than I. See the letter and response above yours in TAP. Contact the archives holder. Ask Larry Peery, etc. Each year the Committee can make nominations and solicit nominations for the categories, then provides notification to the zines, receives votes and published them. Not much. Oh, yeah, the PDORA auction used to fund the ``plaques" but no PDORA auction this year, so a couple of us have pledged some money. But, that is the manifest function. A new paradigm is needed. I hope you have the interest, enthusiasm and 3-medium connectivity to take some of the old, take some of my vision, and lots of your own and run with this. ((Doug Kent is still holding a significantly large PDORA treasury - I believe close to a thousand dollars, though I could be off by a few hundred dollars. I was waiting until he gets the other things wrapped up that he is passing on and then I was going to ask for the PDORA fund and try to get some assistance in running an E-Bay style auction on the Internet to pick this up and continue to run with it. In any case, the PDORA funds have not run out yet, we just don't have the process in place. I am on that committee and would prefer to stay on it.))

One could argue quite convincingly, that without Calhamer's creation (excuse me if I have misspelled his name again) ((No, you have it right.)) there would be no Dip Hobby. Fair. And the various ``owners" of the rights/game each deserve special recognition, although there could be lots of debate about various owners impact (grew the hobby, blew the opportunity to grow the hobby). The players of Dip, since the release of the game are what made the Hobby, and what has led to the current value to Hasbro. In many ways the various interconnected arms of the international PBM Dip Hobby deserve great credit for the current popularity of Dip. The PBM and the FTF - which I think have been tightly intertwined in the US and most of the rest of the World, but the Europeans may have a very different view of this, since they were much more into FTF and had specific organizations for that.

I would like to be given some further leads, so that I eventually talk with the Hasbro chief of Dip, because I see no reason why they wouldn't support both a recognition of the Old Farts who put Hasbro on the edge of benefiting from Dip, wouldn't want to memorialize much of the History, wouldn't want to co-opt and modernize the Hobby Awards from at least N.A. and Euro and use the World Championships or the Hasbro Championships as the annual recognition for some of the winners of various tournaments, awards, done the most, etc. (How David Kovar was never awarded anything in the US, same with Jim-Bob, Manus, etc. is beyond me and could be rectified. Free-Associating with Jim's lengthy recounting of his experiences at the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame weekend in Cooperstown eulogizing his Uncle - Hasbro can start the Dip Hall of Fame and we can enshrine John Boardman, David Kovar, the winners of every World DipCon, the winners of the HOF e-scoring, AOL tourney winner of the year, etc. Besides having it all on a web site).

Jim/Scott I am getting grandiose, but that's my nature. Who is the closest, best connection to/in Hasbro that I can enthusiastically broach much of this to - or has this already been done/gone over?

There is great marketing in this. Imagine the local press coverage, the hobby interest in voting for the initial inductees into the HOF, the information that would be shared and learned about the history of the hobby and those who helped us enjoy it as we do, the various national and continental branches, etc. And 2/3 of those who play might not really care at all, but still, there would be a lot/enough who do.

Scott, I am hoping Jim continues to allow TAP to be part of the discussion board for the Awards Committee and its evolution. ((Consider that done.)) I believe the last dialogue with Melinda Holley was that she would accept offers from others to be on the Committee/nominations. Partly because of my new access to my ISP, partly because I am perched at my daughter's boyfriend computer, partly because 97% of my possessions are locked in a storage unit 330 miles from where I am, I have limited access to review the previous communications with Melinda, etc. However, if you are still interested despite my ravings, then please indicate, and I will search for her URL (Jim, pretty please, do you have it right at your favorites list?) and then write to her and cc you.

Scott, I have a new connection to my ISP when I am away and the format sucks. I can only see half of 6 lines of typing, etc. Maybe it is time to go AOL. I will be a traveling consultant starting next month and need to see what ISP with national connectivity the company uses. Maybe they will reimburse whatever. I've not heard such good things about AOL however. Dissuade me, please.

Yes, I would like to get into the tournament. No, I didn't realize that I didn't need to be AOL to get in. I would like to play an AOL game first, to become comfortable with the format/bells/whistles. Is that possible as well without signing up with AOL? Is AOL going to start offering free services?

I am on an as yet unnamed team for the CAT-23. This should be great fun. I think we have a team composed of mostly very strong and experienced players - and then there is me, but for some reason they accepted me. Oh well. My great luck. I even know which country I will play.

In CAT, or in any potentially multiple game tourney, I wish that the country you play the first time is also the country that you must play in each subsequent game. Therefore, the second board won't be composed of all those who played England the first time, etc. Since we know Dip countries are more like Orwell's Animal Farm quote that ``some are more equal than others." Enough, since I'm unemployed I can type for a long time,

Mike Barno (Tue, 17 Aug 1999 22:56:30 -0400)

Lettercol: I think Dave Partridge had the right solution for the scope of hobby awards: One set of pre-publicity/(nomination if that step is still deemed necessary)/voting/awards/post-publicity efforts, but separate awards for postal and internet-based activities. Two years from now, there might still be only a few hundred postal zine nuts in the US, a few thousand worldwide, and tens of thousands of players who only play realtime online Hasbro-site games or daily or weekly Judge games but might see a blurb for the awards. Parallel awards would cross-promote the best zines, websites, players, writers, etc. without having mere numbers determine results.

((I'm sorry, Mike, I misplaced your previous letter on the same subject, but I'll get caught up below!))

Mike Barno (Sun, 18 Jul 1999 20:55:28 -0400)

Hello Melinda,

Hmm, right on, we definitely do need more communication, effort, etc. from as many people as possible. I agree with Jim that the panel should be broader-based and that this year's nominating process should have been better-publicized. I also agree with you (and most anybody else who's tried to run a hobby service) that people don't do enough. For instance that's why Flapjack wrecked DipWorld - nobody sent articles.

My excuse for doing little more than voting for awards and polls, while being active in 7 to 10 zines, has been that for five years in Yellowstone I had seasonal work, not always knowing where I'd be living next, often with no phone and always with no computer. So I didn't take on commitments like publishing or a hobby service.

Now I have e-mail, a stable home and job, and while I'm not gonna try to run DW or be BNC, I care enough about the hobby's transition to the 21st century (a radical one whether we fogeys stay with it or not) to be active. I wouldn't be an ideal committeemember for the awards panel as I see few if any zines that current members don't, and most of what I see online is associated with old-line postal Dipdom like TAP and its Octopus' Garden subzine, my only active contact outside of North America unless I get more into SPRING OFFENSIVE Online. But I'll help any way I can.

Steve Emmert (Thursday, July 22, 1999 10:19 AM)

I greatly enjoyed reading the discussion of the state of the hobby (hobbies?) in #221. I have never voted for hobby awards for the precise reason cited by Paul Kenny: I don't know most of these people, and have no idea who's most deserving of an award. I would cheerfully vote for you, out of respect for everything you have done and the quality with which you do it, but have no idea whether any of the other nominees are more deserving. And for most of the categories, I don't know ANY of the nominees. This is what comes of being what you might categorize as a marginal Dipper - except for your eminent subzines, yours is the only zine I get. So I'm far out of touch with the rest of the hobby. That doesn't exactly make me an educated voter.

Now, if they ever start recognizing gaming press for the Walker Award, maybe then I'll get more involved. Grabbing dots is nice, but the only real creativity in Dip is press. (Tongue only partly in cheek.)

I don't see the demise of the postal hobby as being imminent. I acknowledge that there will probably always be a market for once-a-month games that allow lots of time to plan. The difference I've seen between the postal game and the e-mail variety is strikingly similar to the difference between PBM and FTF: The time you have to negotiate. If you follow the time limits in a FTF game, you only have 15 minutes to talk to EVERYBODY. In some turns, that's more than you need, but in most instances, you could easily ``diplome" for half an hour or more. The postal game (especially with the capacity for electronic negotiations) removes that constraint by allowing plenty of time for every player to explore lots of options - things they would never have time to do over a gameboard in a FTF game.

The e-mail game cuts down on that time significantly - most games play one game year every two weeks - so it's a bit more like FTF. But for those who can communicate well (and efficiently) by e-mail, that's the best of both worlds. You get time to explore things in detail, and you still crank out one turn a week. That means a game that goes to, say, 1912 would take about six months, start to finish. A similar PBM game would take at least two or three years. How many Dippers have dropped out of a game because the initial enthusiasm, with which they signed up in 1996, fades a year and a half or more later?

But as I said at the start, there will always be a market for one-move-a-month games, as many Dippers can't devote the time it takes to play several e-mail games. My answer to those who say that the e-mail pace is too fast is: You're judging it by PBM standards. How many PBM games are you playing in? Three? Five? More? The reason it's more than one is because, with this much time between deadlines, you have enough time to manage several games at once. It is no great sacrifice to play in fewer games in which the action moves much more quickly.

That being said, I'm not about to abandon my beloved PBM hobby. Andy York is right; it's good to get a hard copy of the zine. And PBEM games generally don't have much press (sob!) or discussion of life, music, or baseball. We both know that while games are the lifeblood of a zine, that other stuff is essential to a good zine. All Dip and no play makes Stevie a dull boy.

This next opinion may be a bit narrow-minded, but I think Phil Reynolds is right about zines that don't run Dip games. They're part of a hobby, even a PBM hobby, but it's not the Dip hobby. Unless we decide to expand the ZR listing to include all types of PBM gaming (theoretically inlcuding chess), then those zines probably belong somewhere else.

I showed Mark Lew's opera comments to Sondra, and she definitely had an opinion on them. (Sondra has sung at the San Francisco Opera before.) Interested in some opera comments from a professional opera singer? If so, I'll set her up at the keyboard and let her go at it. ((We're looking forward to it....))

Hope you and Charlotte are well. Best wishes.

John Biehl (July 28/99)

Jim, I may be considered an `older fart' as I am 48. I learnt to play Diplomacy in high school in the 60's (as most players of my age probably did). I played in only two postal games in the early 1970s (72D and 72J). Additionally, I was an At Large Secretary in the IDA for its first two years. I left the postal hobby precipitously (for which I am not proud) in 74. ((Just about the time I was starting to enter it....)) However, I am a gamer, at heart, and I have decided to play Diplomacy again (after a very long hiatus).

I really liked your discussion in #221 of the Hobby Awards and the report on Hasbro re: Diplomacy.

Terry Tallman (Mon, 30 Aug 1999 19:22:00 -0700)

DRAGONFLIGHT

As mentioned elsewhere this was Dragonflight at Seattle U. We had 28 people play at least one round of dip and had boards in 7 different time slots.

Jay Jensen, a law student at Seattle U and a long time Dragonflight Dipster won primarily by virtue of some adequate draws and playing 5 preliminary rounds plus being part of the seven way draw in the final.

Our blocks are only five hours. The board always has the option of playing to completion but the vote must be unanimous before the start. Because most of our players also do other events we rarely have folks play more than four of the six preliminary rounds. But it is an ironman contest of sorts, and Jay went into the final round as the leader based on the extra fractions of a point granted per round.

Second place was Chris Martin from New York. In the first round his 14 center France locked up best France for the tournament. Fellow New Yorker John Quatro had an 18 center Italy in the midnight round, that ran until 5 AM. The surviving powers didn't have the position to put together a stalemate by the time I left my Austrian Army in Prussia on autopilot and trundled off to bed at 4 AM.

A friend of Chris's from New York, who lives out here (whose name I don't have in front of me) came in third. Fourth and fifth were locals, and sixth was Buz Eddy. Buz also benefited by playing lots of preliminary rounds.

As in DipCon 1985 I had the ceramic Toads for trophies. Best England went to Jay, Best France to Chris, Best Austria to Chris's friend, Best Italy to John Quatro, best Russia-with only five dots-to John Alley. I don't remember best Germany or Turkey and I am too fried to dig out the paper work.

As always a lot of big draws and unlike most cons we had a board of Woodrow Wilson and a board of ``No Negotiation but One Line of Press" Dip where all the orders and press were written by Chris in silly voices appropriate to the nation or player in question. These counted towards final placement at the unanimous vote of the board.

One of the house rules is that ANYTHING may be voted on but it must be unanimous. A number of proposals regarding Buz Eddy failed by one vote. ((I can just imagine....))

I started at 4:30 PM Friday with a session called ``Dip For Dummy's" I had five dummies show up, two of whom were stout enough souls to go ahead and play a game. After that rounds were 7 PM and midnight Friday, 9 AM, 2 PM, 7 PM and Midnight Saturday and finals at 9 AM Sunday.

At midnight on Saturday T-Bone Ehli, Joan Extrom, Tom Bombadil (yes, THAT Tom Bombadil-at least that is what his con badge said), a friend of Samantha Corbin's-Sarah Somethingorother, and myself played Nuclear Dip. I use the small nuclear cloud markers from the game Supremacy as Boom Markers. We were very noisy shouting ``Boom!" as each hit was placed. Only having five players didn't seem to matter. After three games Sarah won with a total of 7 dots. ((Great, it is a PERFECT fried con game.))

I got home about 4 PM Sunday, helped Judy feed the horses and crashed and burned. I am slightly refreshed but still at little rummy at 7:20 PM on Monday. I took the day off. Going back to bed REAL soon.

((Thank you very much, Terry, take care of yourself, really!!))

Fred C. Davis, Jr. (August 2, 1999)

BRIEF REPORT ON PLAYERSCON, HELD IN BALTIMORE, MD, July 29-August 1, 1999

1) Report on Diplomacy Tournament: There were six boards (42 players) on both Friday and Saturday. I did not return to the Hunt Valley Inn on Sunday, so I don't know who was the winner. Jim Yerkey was again the Tournament Director. Among other Big Names present were Edi Birsan and Dan Mathias, and David Hood, the 1998 Con winner. Edi advised me that he had come from California to discuss Diplomacy matters with some representatives from Hasbro, Inc., the new owners of the game. I was told that a Hasbro representative had visited the Diplomacy area (which had its own room) earlier, but I did not get a chance to meet him. You may recall that in 1976, when GRI sold the game to Avalon Hill, Edi came to assist in the transition, so I presume that his presence was welcomed by Hasbro. ((We've reported on that in this szine previously...)) Everyone is reminded that in the year 2000, Playerscon will host both the regular DipCon and the World DipCon. Many people from Europe and Australia/New Zealand will attend. ((See Don DelGrande's proposed charter, which I presume he plans to present there. I would be pleased to be a center for discussion of this issue, should it be desirable. I have the advantage of being one of the few szines that has almost all of the previous attempted writers of Charters on the sub list, including Iain Bowen (I knew I was keeping Iain on my list for SOME reason!!). I must make sure that Edi Birsan sees this as well....))

2) Report on the new Diplomacy map and game: A copy of the new board and game box was posted in the hall. Jim Yerkey had already noticed that the province of ``Galicia,'' while shown on the map, was unnamed. I also noted that there was no black dot to indicate a Supply Center for Denmark. Some of us also noted that ``Silesia'' was mis-spelled ``Silecia.'' (This could be a modern Polish spelling for the area, but the map is supposed to show the area as of about 1910.) ((Uh, uh, I looked at my brand new National Geographic atlas, and that area just on the Polish side of the Czech/Polish border is still labeled Silesia. I'm almost surprised, if they were going to misspell it, that they didn't go with the most common Dipper misspelling that we've all seen: ``Silisia''. Anyway, I think we're all sure that Hasbro is aware of these errors in the prototype, since they've been well publicized in many corners, though not in TAP.)) We all hoped that this map was merely a proof, and that Hasbro can correct these errors before going into mass production. I mentioned this to a lady who was selling games, and asked here to pass the word on to management, but don't know whether she will. I was glad to see that ``Burgundy'' and ``Eastern Mediterranean'' were spelled correctly. Perhaps some of us should conduct a letter-writing campaign to Hasbro. Their address is: 1027 Newport Avenue, Pawtucket, RI 02862. ((The phone number of corporate headquarters is 401-725-8697, should anyone wish to try a phone call during ``business hours''. I rooted around in their voice mail system for awhile the other day, noting that in the summer, the offices close at noon on Fridays. Appropriate for a gaming/toy company, I suppose! Fred had Hasbro's address wrong in his note, so he should take special note, although the zip code was right, so if he sent a letter, it probably went through.))

((In a totally ``off the subject digression'' [I like to do this so that people have to read the whole szine if they want to spot everything of potential interest, scheming bastard that I am....], Pawtucket is the location of the newest hit movie from the Farrelly brothers, Outside Providence, as I was reminded by Fred's note on Hasbro's corporate headquarters being ``Near Providence''. This is a TRULY wonderous movie. I know about half a dozen of the actors in the movie personally, but I don't think that is coloring my view much. There are a couple of jokes that were telegraphed to me as coming along which will surprise you more than they did me, which balances some of my adoration of the acting in some of these minor roles that you might not spot. Actually, though, all of the acting is pretty brilliant and will be hard to miss. It is one of the must sees of the year, even better than There's Something About Mary. I think the movie will unfold best if you know absolutely nothing about it, just hightail it out and see it!! There's a residence hall supervisor in the movie, played by Tim Crowe who probably is the actor I know the best, that is done in a particular stunning way. Around here locally, he is famous for playing Scrooge in Christmas Carol and he presents ONE of the two personalities of that role for the one in this movie really well. I won't tell you which one though it will be immediately obvious the instant he comes on screen.))

3) Other comments: I noticed that everyone playing the game was using the wooden blocks, as decreed by Calhamer. No one was using the hated stars and anchors. The majority of the boards in use were the original GRI design, plus a few of the ``Deluxe Diplomacy'' boards. Most of the Tournament players were over 30. There has been a ``graying'' of the hobby. ((As I keep emphasizing, ONLY in the PBM/FTF portions of the hobby. Most younger people seem to stay only at E-Mail players.)) The new design states on the box cover that it ``includes metal pieces,'' but no one had any samples to show. I'm told that the Fleets will be models of Pre-Dreadnought battleships, and the Armies will be old-fashioned artillery pieces. ((I keep imagining the size and look of the respective Monopoly pieces, but I suspect it might be different from my vision.)) This is similar to a suggestion that was made years ago by a Chicago modelmaker. The UK Diplomacy set has always used BB's for Fleets, but theirs are made of plastic.

((Thanks for the update, Fred, I corrected a couple of factual errors in your report, especially including Hasbro's address. It is less than 10 miles from my house and I drive by it fairly often.))

Don Del Grande (Fri, 13 Aug 1999 21:07:42 GMT)

At this year's WDC, I was asked by Edi Birsan about WDC, and I told him that I had worked out some ideas concerning a WDC Charter and would post them online. Well, here they are.

Note that this is NOT intended to be a ``final draft" or even a ``complete draft" in any wild stretch of the imagination. Also, from what I have heard, this ``charter" will not go over very well with the ``Europe deserves two WDCs in each rotation" supporters.

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1 - THE WORLD DIPCON ORGANIZATION

1.1 This organization shall be called World DipCon, although World Dip Con is an acceptable variant spelling. The abbreviation WDC used in this charter refers to World DipCon, although it may apply to the organization or to a particular meeting depending on context.

1.2 For clarity, masculine pronouns are used throughout this Charter, but WDC is open equally to persons of both sexes, and no use of a masculine pronoun implies otherwise.

2 - MEMBERSHIP IN WORLD DIPCON

2.1 Each person who participates in a WDC Individual Diplomacy tournament is automatically considered a member of that WDC.

2.2 There must also be a method for persons not attending the event, or attending the event but not participating in the tournament, to become members. A fee may be charged for non-playing members, but the same fee must be charged for all such members.

3 - THE WORLD DIPCON EVENT

3.1 Each WDC shall have an Individual (as opposed to team) Diplomacy tournament. The winner of this tournament shall be considered ``World Diplomacy Champion" until the next WDC. There will be no other titles associated with WDC, such as a ``World Team Diplomacy Champion" or a ``World Variant Diplomacy Champion".

3.2 There can be other events held in association with WDC, and one or more of these events can be held in conjunction with the Individual Diplomacy tournament, but under no circumstances shall participation in any other event be a requirement for participating in any round of the Individual Diplomacy tournament. (For example, one round of the Individual Diplomacy tournament may also be the Team Diplomacy tournament, but no one shall be barred from that round if they are not in the Team Diplomacy event.)

3.3 The use of the word ``committee" when used in association with the tournament applies to the committee assigned by the WDC Committee to run the tournament, and may include some or all WDC Committee members.

3.4 Each round of the Individual Diplomacy tournament must be ``regular", as opposed to ``variant", Diplomacy. However, the committee is authorized to make ``minor" adjustments to the rules, including but not limited to: (a) allowing draws to include some but not all survivors; (b) establishing a time or turn limit, and establishing a method for determining a result in a game that reaches the limit without a ``rulebook" victory, concession, or draw; (c) establishing time limits for turns. The committee shall also decide which version of the rules shall be used, provided it corresponds with an edition published by Avalon Hill on or after 1975. (Some rules were changed in 1983 as follows: (a) If there are two or more possible paths for a convoy and at least one path is broken while another is not, the convoy succeeds instead of failing; (b) A convoyed army cannot cut the support of a fleet supporting an attack on a convoying fleet, even if the fleet did not convoy the army in question; (c) When both a land and a convoy route exist for an army, ``totality of the orders" is used to determine which one applies, rather than automatically applying the ``unwanted convoy" rule.) The committee may NOT require the use of ``JUDGE" rules; in particular, in a convoy, the JUDGE rule requiring that the complete convoy route be specified is not to be used. However, if a player orders a convoy using the JUDGE method, it may be accepted as a legal order under the ``badly written order which has only one possible meaning" rule.

3.5 The committee may use its discretion to handle situations where the number of players is not evenly divisible by seven, including: (a) Having members of the tournament staff play in a round (no more than one ``ineligible" player per board); (b) Allowing one or more players who are eliminated from their board in a round to play in another board with the players who were left out (no more than one player per ``on time" board may play on this ``late" board); (c) Allowing one or more boards to have six players (however, this should be used only as a last resort). In (b), the committee decides how players who play on two boards in the same round are scored for that round. No player may be ``excluded" from more than one round in the tournament.

3.6 The scoring system is left entirely to the discretion of the committee, except for these requirements: (a) The scoring system must be based solely on games of the Individual Diplomacy tournament; (b) Each player's performance in a round must be expressable as a point value of some sort, and one or more of a players' scores are used to determine the player's final tournament score, which must be the primary method to rank the players in the final result (however, not all of a player's rounds need be considered, or weighed equally); (c) There must be a sole tournament winner. Any tie for first place must be broken using only results from the Individual Diplomacy tournament (and not, for example, ``best performance in other events" or ``who travelled the farthest", or even a coin toss), which includes but is not limited to highest single-game score, highest total score of each player's opponents, or even "who the committee felt played the better Diplomacy". The scoring system must be made public in its entirety prior to the end of the WDC in which it is used, although it may be kept secret until the Individual Diplomacy tournament is completed to keep players from ``playing the scoring system". It is strongly recommended, although not required, that the scoring system not penalize a player for playing in a game. If Player A is ahead of Player B at a certain point in the tournament and Player B does not play in any more rounds, it should not be possible for Player B to finish ahead of Player A.

4 - MODIFYING THE WORLD DIPCON CHARTER

4.1 Proposed modifications to the WDC Charter must be submitted to the WDC Committee no later than 90 days prior to the start of WDC. The WDC Committee has the right to correct errors of spelling, grammar, or paragraph numbering in any proposal, but cannot make any changes which would change the effect of the proposal. All proposals will appear on a ballot that will be sent out to each non-attending member and be handed out to each attending member. Each voter may vote ``yes" or ``no", but not both, for each proposal. A proposal passes if there are at least twice as many ``yes" votes as ``no" votes. A proposal that passes but did not pass at the previous WDC is automatically proposed again at the next WDC. A proposal that passes at two consecutive WDCs is put into effect, and the WDC Charter amended appropriately.

4.2 All amendments to the WDC Charter take effect upon completion of the WDC in which the proposal passed its second vote.

4.3 Should two or more proposals be put into effect simultaneously that causes the WDC Charter to contradict itself, then the conflict shall be resolved at the WDC in which the conflict was discovered, or if the conflict is discovered between WDCs, at the next WDC.

5 - WORLD DIPCON SITE ELIGIBILITY

5.1 For purposes of site selection, the world is divided into three regions:

EUROPE REGION - Europe, including Russia and all countries formerly part of the USSR; African countries on the

Mediterranean Sea; Iceland; Mediterranean and eastern Atlantic islands

AMERICAS REGION - North America; South America; Caribbean; Greenland

WORLD REGION - all areas not in any other region

5.2 A site may not host WDC if the previous WDC was held (or is scheduled to be held) in the same country as, or within 500km of, the site.

5.3 There is no ``formal rotation" of regions. However, a region may not host a WDC unless at least 1/2 (rounded down) of the other regions have hosted a WDC between the time the region in question last hosted a WDC and the WDC being voted on, unless no sites in eligible regions make a request to host. A region that has never hosted WDC is always eligible. (For purposes of this rule, ``hosting" includes sites that have been selected to host future WDCs, and determining when a region hosted a WDC is based on the regions in effect at the time of the vote, even if the WDC site was in a different region at the time it hosted.)

5.4 Each site that wishes to host a particular WDC must submit to the WDC Committee conducting that year's vote, no less than 90 days prior to that WDC, a proposal to have that site considered for hosting. The proposal must include:

(a) The name of the event that will host WDC;

(b) The location (not merely the city, but the building(s) in which the event is scheduled to take place);

(c) The dates;

(d) The names of at least three persons who will act as the WDC Committee for the event,

including one person who will be the Chairman of the WDC Committee.

The proposal may include other particulars, such as any other events which will take place at the same time or how the event will be run, which may be of interest to the prospective voters.

6 - MODIFYING WORLD DIPCON SITE SELECTION REGIONS

6.1 Region modification shall be voted upon as if it was an amendment to the Charter. Note that modifications being voted on at a WDC do not affect a site selection vote taking place at the same WDC, even if one or more of the sites involved would lose eligibility because of the modification (or a site that is ineligible would become eligible).

6.2 No country can be in more than one region. For example, part of USA cannot be in ``Eastern North America" and the rest in ``Western North America".

6.3 New regions can be formed by:

(a) taking part of an existing region (effectively splitting it into two (or more) regions);

(b) combining all of two or more existing regions;

(c) combining parts of two or more existing regions;

(d) combining all of one or more existing regions with parts of one or more other existing regions.

A location in a new region is no longer considered to be in its old region. No part of the world can be in two or more regions at the same time, nor may any part of the world not be in any of the regions.

6.4 Note that sites selected to host future WDCs cannot be disqualified based on region changes made subsequent to its selection.

7 - WORLD DIPCON SITE SELECTION

7.1 The use of the word ``site" includes ``None Of These", and ``None Of These" shall appear on the ballot as if it was a nominated site.

7.2 Each ballot shall have a space for each nominated site (including ``None Of These"). Each WDC member who wishes to vote must assign a unique number (positive integers only - 1, 2, 3, 4, and so on) to at least one site on the ballot. A ballot that has the same number twice, or has any number that is not a positive integer, shall be returned to the voter (if present) with an explanation of the problem, and that voter will be allowed to cast a new ballot; a second incorrect ballot, or an incorrect ballot from someone who is not present, is discarded as if that person did not vote. A ballot that does not begin with 1 or that has any ``gaps" in the sequence is renumbered by replacing the lowest number with ``1", the second-lowest with ``2", and so on. A renumbered ballot has its ``acceptable" number changed to the highest number of the sites that were ``acceptable" on that ballot before the renumbering. There is no requirement that a voter assign numbers to all sites (or even more than one, for that matter) on the ballot; in fact, voters should be instructed not to give a number to any site that the person does not consider to be an ``acceptable" host.

7.3 Each eligible ballot shall be counted equally. No weight shall be given to any ballot based on the nationality of the voter, or for any other reason.

7.4 Once all ballots are cast, the site shall be selected as follows:

I. Acclamation:

(1) Prior to handing out the ballots, there shall be a vote by ``show of hands". Each eligible voter is enitled to cast one vote for one of the eligible sites. Those voters who are not present but who sent in ballots shall be counted as if they voted for the eligible site receiving the lowest-numbered vote on that ballot, or no vote if there are no votes for any of the eligible sites. If any site receives a majority of the votes cast, that site shall be considered selected. If no site receives a majority, the ballot vote shall take place and the votes counted beginning with (2). No site is removed from eligibility based on the vote count in (1). Should ``None Of These" be selected, see (10).

II. ``Head-To-Head" Method:

(2) For each pair of sites, determine which, if either, is ``preferred" by determining which has a better (i.e. lower-numbered) vote on more ballots. (It does not have to be a majority.) Two sites are ``tied" if each has a better vote than the other on the same number of ballots. If any site is preferred over every other site, that site shall be selected. Should ``None Of These" be selected, see (10).

(3) If "None Of These" is still eligible, remove it. If there is now only one eligible site remaining, that site shall be considered selected.

(4) If any site is neither preferred to nor tied with any other still-eligible site, that site is removed from eligiblilty and (4) is repeated as many times as necessary until no further sites are removed. (For example, if site X is not preferred to any site, site Y is preferred only over X, and site Z is preferred only over X and Y, then X, Y, and Z would be removed in that order.)

III. Preference Method:

(5) Take each (non-discarded) ballot and ``distribute" it to the site with the lowest number among the eligible sites. If a ballot has no numbers by any of the eligible sites, discard it.

(6) If a site has a majority of the (non-discarded) ballots, that site shall be considered selected.

(7) If all of the remaining sites have the same number of ballots, the counting ends here, and the WDC committee selects the site from these tied sites.

(8) If any site has fewer ballots than each of the other sites, that site is excluded from eligibility. If any eligible site has zero ballots, that site is excluded from eligibility. If all eligible sites have at least one ballot, and two or more sites are tied for the lowest number, one of those sites is excluded as follows: (a) For each tied site, count the number of ballots, including those distributed to non-tied sites, on which that site has a better vote than all of the other tied sites; (b) The tied site with the lowest total in (a) is excluded; (c) If there is a tie, repeat (a) with the still-tied sites, and continue until a site is excluded or the tie is not reduced; (d) If the tie is not reduced, one of the still-tied sites is selected randomly and that site is excluded.

(9) When a site is excluded, take each ballot that had been distributed to it and ``redistribute" it to the site with the lowest numbered vote among the still-eligible sites, or discard it if none of the still-eligible sites have votes on that ballot. Once the ballots are redistributed, return to (6).

(10) Should ``None Of These" be the selected site, the WDC Committee shall select a site at its discretion, except that none of the sites on the ballot may be chosen, and no site may be chosen if the WDC prior to the one being voted on was, is being, or is scheduled to be, held in the same country or within 500km of that site.

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``WHY NOT JUST USE SINGLE TRANSFERABLE VOTE?" Here's why I don't like it, using three sites and 11 ballots:

A: 1 1 1 2 2 2 3 2 2 2 2

B: 2 2 3 1 1 1 1 3 3 3 3

C: 3 3 2 3 3 3 2 1 1 1 1

A is preferred to B 7-4 and C 6-5, but since A only has 3 first-place votes while B and C each has 4, A would be excluded first. (Transferring A's votes, two to B and one to C, gives B a 6-5 majority over C.) Note that it is impossible for both A and B to be ``preferred over every other site", as this would require A to be preferred over B and B to be preferred over A simultaneously.

There is still time to send in your ``best of 1998'' lists. Give it to me anyway you want to - a top 10, a couple of favorites, a list, an essay, whatever - the classic is to tell me your top singles, top albums, and best concerts of the year, but you are the boss. Don't wait too long though because I want to move into the party tape issues pretty quickly. I'm going to have to delay Part III of the lists plus some other music material for this issue. Apologies to those whose letters are slow to come into print.

This section is developing a list of the great party singles of the century. You'll get a definite sense of quirky before we're done. You'll also get a sense of timelessness. I'll assume that I'll also get some comments from some of you. I'm going to set a slate of only 10 - that's just ONE more from what is below and then DEMAND votes from you out there to fill the rest of the slots. The Bullpen voting system I am envisioning will work like this: you each get ten votes which you can allocate across as few as two songs (5 votes apiece) or as many as ten songs (1 vote for each). You can allocate your ten votes any way you want, but you can't put any more than five votes on any one song. You also get ONE B-52 song vote (although you can add votes from your main allotment if desired) and THREE Drug Song votes which will be held in a separate category. The other ``special'' bullpens must be voted on from your main allotment of votes. I decided that I WILL print running totals and print the names of the people who have voted. Also, you guys wrote some great stuff about the songs, so I've printed that too! Write-ins will be permitted, but are unlikely to win. I know I have lost some suggestions that aren't in the bullpen lists below, so feel free to mention 'em again! Everything that started in the bullpen started with one vote.

To encourage voting early, five voters at random will receive five US dollars from me (either in cash or paid to someone for Dip stuff). I will take these voters at random every other issue, starting with this issue, and draw one randomly, so early voters get FIVE chances to win, but no one will be allowed to win twice. I'm also giving the round one voters below five chances in said drawing, those in the second round four, and so on, to more heavily penalize the chances of those last minute voters and reward these pioneers! That should do it!! The last prize will be awarded in issue 225 and in #226 I will announce the final list of songs. Get your Round 4 votes in now if you don't see your name below!!! You each will receive two chances in the drawing for the next five dollar prize. Voters in Round 1 were Mike Barno($5), Rick Desper ($5), Tony Dickinson, Drew James, Heath Gardner, and John Harrington. Round 2 postal voters are John Schultz ($5) Ian Moore, and Stan Johnson. In future drawings these people will have five chances, just as the Round 1 voters. Round 2 E-Mail voters get four chances and are Scott Morris, Warren Goesle, Peter Sullivan, and Michael Lowrey. Round 3 voters are Dick Martin, Richard Weiss, and Rip Gooch; they get three chances to win. Round 4 voters are Roland Sasseville, Jr. ($5), Don Williams, Brent McKee, and Andy York; they get two chances. And Roland Sasseville, Jr. wins the Round 4 drawing!!

We'll end up with a monster party tape at the end of it that I plan to segue and sequence and copy for distribution. The result will be a great New Millenium party tape. I've also been thinking that I should put this out on CD as truly emblematic of the new millenium. I don't have the capability to do that quite yet, but I think I might by then. Any suggestions (or especially volunteers) on this front will be cheerfully accepted and could receive monetary payments!

So far, we have ``I Melt With You'' by Modern English; George Gershwin's ``I got Plenty O' Nuttin' '' from Porgy and Bess in the 1957 concert recording with Ella Fitzgerald finishing off the vocals after Louis Armstrong blows and sings through the tune; Duke Ellington performing Billy Strayhorn's ``Take the A Train''; Frank Sinatra's ``New York, New York''; something from the B-52's; the original Van Morrison and Them version of ``Gloria''; The (English) Beat's 12 inch version of ``Save It for Later'' ratchets things up to the next level (wherever you put it!); Buster Poindexter's ``Hot, Hot, Hot'' keeps you there; ``Atomic Dog'' by George Clinton blows the doors off, and Koko Taylor cleans up singing Willie Dixon's ``Wang Dang Doodle''.

EXTRA SPECIAL B-52'S BULLPEN: (6) ``Love Shack''. (5) ``Rock Lobster". (3) NONE; ``Planet Claire''. (2)``Give Me Back My Man"; ``Private Idaho''. (1) ``Dance This Mess Around"; ``Deadbeat Club''; ``52 Girls''.

BULLPEN: (9) Nirvana - ``Smells Like Teen Spirit". (8) ``Mannish Boy" - Muddy Waters; ``Proud Mary'' - Ike and Tina Turner. (7) ``Cumberland Blues'' - the Grateful Dead; ``Twist & Shout" - Beatles. (6) ``Twistin the Night Away" - Sam Cooke; ``Shake, Rattle, & Roll" - Big Joe Turner; ``Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf; ``Crossroads'' - Eric Clapton; ``Play That Funky Music'' - Wild Cherry; ``Radar Love'' - Golden Earring; ``In Between Days'' - The Cure; Devo - ``Whip It". (5) ``Sing Sing Sing'' - Benny Goodman. (4) Lou Reed - ``Sweet Jane''; ``Jambalaya" - Hank Williams; Public Enemy - ``Bring Tha Noize"; ``I Feel Good" - James Brown; ``Brick House" - The Commodores; ``I Wanna Be Sedated" - Ramones; Peter Frampton - ``Do you feel like we do". (3) ``Dancing With Myself'' - Billy Idol's Gen X; ``Tweedle Dee'' by Lavern Baker; B Movie - ``Nowhere Girl"; ``Add It Up'' - Violent Femmes; ``Party Train'' - Gap Band; ``Locomotion" - Little Eva; Ini Kamoze - ``Here Comes the Hotstepper"; Squeeze - ``If I Didn't Love You"; ``party at ground zero'' by fishbone; ``Rocking the Casbah'' - The Clash; ``The Butterfly Collector" - The Jam; ``Roadrunner'' - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers; Bangles - ``Hazy Shade of Winter"; Del Shannon - ``Runaway''; Hot Chocolate -``You Sexy Thing"; Go-Go's - ``Our Lips are Sealed"; ``In the Mood" - Glenn Miller; ``Louie, Louie'' - The Kingsmen. (2) ``Fire on the Mountain'' - the Grateful Dead; Violent Femmes - ``Blister in the Sun"; ``Want Ad Blues" - John Lee Hooker; ``Suffragette City'' - David Bowie; Green Day - ``Basket Case''; Susan Tedeschi - ``It Hurt So Bad''; ``Debaser'' - The Pixies; ``What I Like About You" - Romantics; ``Train In Vain'' - The Clash; ``Revolution" - the Beatles; Little Richard - ``Rock Island Line''; ``Magic Mountain" - the Animals; ``Pass the Dutchie" - Peter Tosh; ``What Time is Love'' - KLF; ``One Love" - Bob Marley; Doors - ``Roadhouse Blues"; Strunz and Farrah - ``Americas''; ``Ebeneezer Goode'' - The Shamen; ``Lithium'' - Nirvana. (1) ``Echo Beach'' - Martha and The Muffins; ``Walk This Way'' - Run-DMC; ``How Soon Is Now?'' - The Smiths; ``Last of the Famous International Playboys'' - Morrissey; ``Brass in Pocket'' - The Pretenders; ``Machine Gun'' - The Commodores; ``Roadrunner'' - the Animals; ``I'm Coming Out'' - Diana Ross; Clarence ``Gatemouth'' Brown - ``Up Jumped the Devil''; David Bowie - ``Fame''; ``Been Caught Stealing'' - Jane's Addiction; ``Hard to Handle'' - Black Crowes; ``Birth-day'' - Suzanne Vega; Led Zeppelin - ``Hey, Hey what can I do"; Three Dog Night - ``Shambala"; Concrete Blonde - ``Still in Hollywood"; ``The Pusher" - Steppenwolf; ``Give the Dog a Bone" - AC/DC; ``Chain of Fools" - Aretha Franklin; ``Ballroom Blitz'' - The Sweet; ``Hi Ho Silver Lining'' - Jeff Beck; ``And We Danced" - Hooters; ``Particle Man" - They Might Be Giants; Erasure - ``River Deep, Mountain High"; ``All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix's KISS THE SKY version of Bob Dylan's song); ``I Wanna Be a Lifeguard'' - Blotto; ``Hollywood Handsome" - Tuscadero; ``Connection" - Elsatica; ``Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Breeders; ``Why do you Drink?" - Hank Williams, Jr.; ``Freshly" - Dillinger; ``Fool's Gold'' - Stone Roses; ``Wannabe'' - Spice Girls; ``All Right Now'' - Free.

SPECIAL GEORGE CLINTON BULLPEN: (2) ``I Just Wanna Testify''; ``Flash Light''. (1) Prince - ``Bob & George"; ``Let's Take It to the Stage'', ``The Pinocchio Theory''.

SPECIAL MILLENNIUM BULLPEN: ``1999'' - Prince; ``Disco 2000'' - Pulp. These songs are officially INELIGIBLE FOR THE TAPE!!!

SPECIAL ROLLING STONES BULLPEN: (6) ``Paint It Black''. (3) ``Sympathy for the Devil''; ``Honky Tonk Woman'' (including ``I met a ginsoaked bar-room queen in Memphis"); ``Satisfaction". (2) ``Jumpin' Jack Flash"; ``Emotional Rescue''; ``Brown Sugar''. (1) ``Get Off of My Cloud''; ``Gimme Shelter''; ``Street Fighting Man''; ``Bitch''; ``Little T and A''.

SPECIAL TALKING HEADS BULLPEN: (9) ``Take me to the River". (4) the entire Speaking in Tongues record (special call for ``Road to Nowhere''). (2) ``Life During Wartime''; ``Psycho Killer''. (1) ``The Great Curve''.

SPECIAL ALPHABET SONG BULLPEN: (6) ``YMCA" - Village People. (1) ``MTA" - Kingston Trio.

SPECIAL DRUG MUSIC BULLPEN: (8) ``Red, Red Wine'' - UB40. (6) ``Don't Bogart that Joint'' - Fraternity of Man; ``The Old Dope Peddler'' - Tom Lehrer. (5) ``Casey Jones'' - the Grateful Dead. (4) ``Cocaine'' - Eric Clapton's version. (3) The Toys - ``Smoke Two Joints''; ``White Rabbit'' - Jefferson Airplane; ``Minnie the Moocher'' - Cab Calloway; ``Bush Doctor'' - Peter Tosh; ``Love Is the Drug'' - Roxy Music. (2) ``Easy Skanking" - Bob Marley; ``Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll'' - Ian Dury and the Blockheads; ``The Needle and the Damage Done'' - Neil Young; Pink Floyd - ``Obscured by Clouds''; ``Hotel California'' - Eagles; ``Smoke, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)'' - Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen; ``I'm an Okie from Muskogee'' - Merle Haggard; Stranglers - ``Golden Brown''; entire Animals album - Pink Floyd; ``Panama Red'' - New Riders; Thin Lizzy - ``Whisky in the Jar''. (1) ``Purple Haze'' - Jimi Hendrix; ``Legalize It'' - Peter Tosh; ``Heroin'' - Lou Reed and Velvet Underground; ``The Drugs Don't Work" - The Verve; ``Old Red Eyes is Back" - Beautiful South; ``Hemp, for Victory'' - Ramon Renedge; ``Revolution'' - Spacemen 3; ``Halcyon'' - Orbital; ``Sinsemilla" - Black Uhuru; Hawkwind - ``LSD''; ``Hassan I Sahba''(Hashish) - Hawkwind; Sisters Of Mercy - ``Amphetamine Logic''; ``More Songs about Chocolate and Girls'' - The Undertones; ``Cars Hiss By My Window'' from LA Woman - The Doors; Levellers - ``Just the One''; New Model Army - ``Heroin''.

Mark Larzelere (Sun, 1 Aug 1999 15:26:26 EDT)

By the way, I'm interested in getting a copy of that party tape (or CD) if you ever get it put together. I was going to also suggest a song called ``Echo Beach" by Martha & the Muffins that they play on WHFS in this area, though I don't know if anyone else plays it. WHFS is also apparently the only station in this area that plays Echo & the Bunnymen, which was a pretty good band despite their silly name.

((I love ``Echo Beach'', so I've given it an ``editor's point''. Would you like to enter your votes? Remember that the most you can give to any song is five votes.))

Brent McKee (Tue, 29 Jun 1999 01:48:27 -0600)

Jim: My personal preferences are for Big Band Jazz, so I would like to cast 7 votes for what I consider to be one of the best pieces of music ever to come out of that period, Benny Goodman's ``Sing Sing Sing". It should of course be from the 1937 Carnegie Hall Concert since that was the point when the band was arguably at its height. Besides Goodman on clarinet, you had Gene Krupa on drums and Harry James on trumpet. Both had outstanding solos in the song. Add to that the fact that the backup drummer and vibraphone player was Lionel Hampton and you have a great band. ((Under the rules, you only can give 5 votes to this. Thus, you still have two votes left.))

I would also like to cast 3 votes for ``Runaway" by Del Shannon. Recently one of the cable channels up here has been showing the TV series ``Crime Story" which had ``Runaway" as its theme song (although the series cut the Hammond organ solo - barbarians!). It grows on you.

Drug songs: I'll drop one point on ``Smoke that Cigarette" although I'd prefer to put it on the original artist which I believe was Phil Harris (a guy who knew a fair bit about both cigarettes and various types of booze. ((The Commander Cody version is very, very different....)) However I think I'll throw two votes on another song, Cab Calloway's ``Minnie the Moocher" for lines like ``She had a man his name was Smokey/ She loved him though he was Cokie", and the whole ``King of Sweden" dream which was apparently an opium pipe dream. ((``Minnie the Moocher'' is one of my favorite songs, so you even earned a BONUS point for that one since it should have been on the list already.))

B-52's: You are going to hate me, but about the only B-52 song I am familiar with is ``Love Shack" (thanks to Much Music and Much More Music) and to be quite honest with you I can't stand it!

((No problem, that's why NONE is an option. That's how I recorded your vote. Look at the date on this next letter and see why I wanted to apologize to Robert!))

Robert Stimmel (July 3, 1999)

It's probably not a new record (CD), but I like Mas Que Nada-Brazilian Dance Party. It has 20 songs. I play it over and over. Some are: ``Desafinado'', ``Anos Dourados'', ``Insensatez'', ``The Shadow of Your Smile'', ``Manha de Carnaval'', ``The Girl From Ipanema'', ``One Note Samba'', ``Peu Pia'', and ``Mas Que Nada''.

Stan Johnson (also VERY OLD, mea culpa, mea culpa...)

Jim, Except for the literature award, I have long seen Hobby Awards as akin to being voted most popular in the Yearbook. Those things matter to some people and to others they don't. Sadly, I have seen some fine zines fold, because the GM felt slighted by some poll or other. ((This, as you know, has been a long term bugaboo of mine.))

I've forgotten how my votes went, but songs I know I voted for don't have any results posted next to them. What's up with that? More pissing on the postal players? ((I can't recall precisely which ones you voted for either, but do you know how to read the votes??? Look at the number of votes and then ALL songs after that up to the next number have that number of votes. For example, everything between ``Dancing With Myself'' and ``Louie Louie'' has three votes. I'm SURE your votes are in there.))

I agree with Dick Martin about ``Love Is the Drug'' and ``Jambalaya''. I agree with Richard Weiss about B-52's. The one song by them I thought I liked wasn't by them; thanks for that info by the by. ((Weren't you also one of the ones voting for ``Don't Bogart That Joint''. This song is mentioned in the movie Outside Providence which I review elsewhere. Scream at the screen ``Fraternity of Man'' when they mention it. I only said it quietly at my wife, but since they leave the question unanswered in the movie, it needs to be answered!!))

Honorable mention to ``Brick House'', I danced to that many times. I was never into going to discos, but there were many so-called disco songs that I thought were good songs.

How did ``Little T and A'' not get nominated in the Stones category? ((Possibly because I don't recall the song.... showing his ignorance. I've added it to the list above with a vote on me.))

I believe ``Red Red Wine'' was originally done by Neil Diamond. I agree with Gooch on ``Mannish Boy'' and ``Radar Love'' and ``Livin' in the USA''. How can ``Purple Haze'' not be on the list? There ought to be a whole Hendrix category.

((All good thoughts, Stan. I presume you meant ``Purple Haze'' as a drug song, so I've added it.))

Richard Weiss (Tue, 17 Aug 1999 21:47:31 PDT)

Jim; Thanks for another fine issue. Next time you aren't going to apologize, please do it in fewer key strokes. ((Yeah, but I was going to get slammed by some particular people whose material I was holding (see immediately above), so I wanted to head off that criticism with a very public apology directed toward them. I'll stop, since you're QUITE correct.))

Thinking about Rhode Island, I assume you saw/heard about the USA Today coverage of Providence (end of week 8/13), as a wonderful example of urban areas shrinking in population but becoming wonderfully renovated and livable again. I forget the two sections of town they mentioned, pretty sure one was Elmwood. Do you live in either area mentioned and was the coverage fair? ((Yeah, more or less. No, we live in another of the neighborhoods, called Elmhurst [close, but different!]. I drove through Elmwood for the first time in a bit (probably 6-8 months) last week and was amazed at how ``hopping'' it was with new businesses and people milling about (and I don't mean prostitutes!). Our Federal Hill area also has been exploding with activity as there are many more restaurants supporting late European style diners like my wife and myself. We had dinner in an outdoor cafe at 10 PM on a Wednesday recently and were shocked how many people were out and about on a weeknight in summer. Now the students are back (Providence College, Brown, and our school with the great cooking program that fuels our consistently brilliant restaurants, Johnson and Wales) and that will get even more active. We live two blocks from PC and about two miles from Brown and Johnson and Wales campuses. Providence was helped in that it reached its population peak at nearly 300,000 in 1920. It is about half that size now. Thus, there is VERY little housing in the city built between 1920 and 1980. We missed the low quality postwar stuff for the most part that deteriorates in particularly unattractive ways in most cities.))

Are you seeing the flaws in the Colonia map and play yet? ((No, a little bit in the ``mess'' in Europe, but we haven't played enough yet.))

Music, I went to the most famous venue for a given style of music recently, while in the region most noted for this style of music. The town has the newest NFL team, an NHL team, but no MLB. The state is home of last year's #1 NCAA football team. The Heritage is the most famous historical building. Yes, Nashville and the Grand Ole Opry. I knew I was going nearby for interviews and called the Opry (after e-finding number and what to do) for tickets on a Monday. The woman told me that since I was from SF she was going to give me a good seat. First row center! I had a hoot. Doug Kershaw was the most lively. Del McCoury and some other bluegrass was great. Daryl Singletary the youngest I most enjoyed. Hollie Dunn cancelled at the last minute. Bill Carlisle maybe the most famous.

Saw Susan Tedeschi twice. I was within about 10 seated rows of her both times. She opened for the Allman Brothers. The first show, she was joined by a ``special guest" who was a young, thin, long-blonde-pony-tailed guitar player with a gift. Played two songs, kind of very studiously. Then, damn if he wasn't on the stage and performing with the Allmans. He's their reincarnation of Duane Allman! Name, Deryl Trucks, son of the other guitar player.

After her second show she signed autographs until the Allmans started playing. Signed anything. As much as I enjoyed the shows and seeing her, I think I will swear off large venues for the rest of the millenium, and maybe longer. Maybe a ``century" in the Mark Lew usage. ((Yup, I have already done so, haven't been to a ``large venue'' in about 5-8 years. I think the last one was the Newport Folk Festival, a crowd of about 5000 back early in the 1990's. Melissa Ferrick was there this year, but she's coming to a local bar that fits about 100 max in a couple of weeks and I'll be there instead.)) Went to a local small bar venue and saw some teenage Japanese girl punk band - so bad they were good. Then two acts of ska - grunge rock. That was great. Bought Lyle Lovett, Live in Texas. So much fun that man.

Which reminds me. I have a new song to nominate for the end of the millenium tape. I don't expect you to include it, whether or not (Mark, does the ``or not" need to be there?) the following claims are true. This song created more people getting up and moving then any other song on your list. Maybe more people then the next two most popular songs. > 95% of American TAP readers would recognize it and smile. I don't know who wrote it or what it's called. I don't think it ever made a hit list. It's played in more communities more times per day then even the hits with the biggest bullets on teeny-bop stations (during certain times). To me the lyrics go, ``Dirty little Jimmy (or whomever's name) does your Mother know your in, there's a hole in your britches and we can see your skin." There may only be a melody. Usually the solo instrument is accompanied by a bell. Then it gets repeated. Read my mind yet? The Ice Cream Truck song! (OK, I didn't say got people up dancing, I only said moving). Smile, smile, smile. Sometimes, you get shown the light,in the strangest of places, if you look at it right (paraphrase plagiarize). ((Cute, cute, cute....))

I'm about to hire on as a consultant and be on the road all week. Each day of the week I will be in a different rural hospital, but like ``Ground Hog Day" I will be in the same rural town each and every Tuesday, etc. While the manifest responsibility is to help the hospital be appropriately reimbursed by MediCare for the services provided (get more moola) the covert responsibility is to improve quality and start local, rural practitioners considering that there could be such a thing as documentation, standards, improving quality, etc. So, I am selling out, but view it as a reasonable evil for a period, to furnish me some money, varied experiences, time to edit my forthcoming book on Succeeding at Hospital Risk Pool Management, and network in a varied way. The ``Ground Hog Day" reference is a thought which has kept me from stark existential ennui about motel room living. I could be in the same community each week, and volunteer in a free clinic, learn to play the piano/swing dance, know who will be at which restaurant and help them choose healthier food, run into the same salesman for breakfast, etc. or I could exercise in front of the TV, play Bridge at MSN GameZone, write my book, etc. One positive, is that I'm pretty sure they will fly me to any destination I desire which is cheaper than to Reno/SF for weekends. So, every other weekend I will fly to be with my son. The others, beware House Cons! I think David Partridge's falls on an Alexander weekend, though.

last thing before the orders (which you already received). I am impressed by MSN Game Zone. Every time I log on there are over 30,000 people playing one or another of the games. The bridge is quite good. I haven't checked out such as Axis and Allies, etc. but plan to check out the Go section soon. ((The word is that Axis and Allies is not good, but I haven't had it explained to me precisely why.))

No Dip, yet, but I will wait on that for a while. Fascinating sub-culture which I had not been aware of before last week. P.S. Hooray for the liberation of prepositions so that they can be anywhere, including just before the period!

John Michalski (Fri, 20 Aug 1999 22:15:21 -0500)

Hi Jim. I was more than a little puzzled by Mark Lew's letter in the issue just received. No, not that he said he was 0 for 4, when it seems 3 of the 4 are dead or gone; but rather, that he would predict these monarchies would vanish by century's end. Why on earth would anyone in countries that have had an on-going stable monarchy like those (Morocco, Jordan, Arabia), possibly be attracted to the idea of democratic rule like ours? To whom does the idea of the chief of state sitting in his public office, getting head from a staffer of his daughter's generation, appeal? Why would anyone give up a decent king for a system that elects, and re-elects, Arkansas white trash? Are they missing something by not having the Saudi Highway Patrol pimping for the Prez? I seem to have missed something in there. Why change?

((Good question, I had precisely the same thought.... Mark??))

Jody McCullough (Tue, 10 Aug 1999 22:50:32 -0700)

Jim, I have a few moments so I thought I'd finally try to piece together some of my thoughts. I'll start with a reply to some of Rick's comments.

Rick Desper said: Jody, you talk about my comments about Reagan's ``hare-brained" foreign policy without making reference to the fact that I was talking about Iran-Contra. This is why it was hare-brained:

Back to Jody: Okay, but here is the quote: ``if the Republicans can flagrantly and willfully illegally sell arms to Iran as *PART* of a hare-brained foreign policy, and escape punishment, on what grounds is the current impeachment based?" (emphasis added). It sure sounded like Rick was talking about Republican foreign policy in general, and saying all of it was hare-brained. If he now wishes to say he was talking about Iran/Contra specifically, I have no quarrel with him. It was lame. And the numerous examples seem rather like using a sledgehammer to crack a peanut.

Then comes the whopper...

Rick said: I suggest that you read up a bit more.

Back to Jody again: There's an awful lot one could say about that comment, but I'm going to assume Rick was having a bad day. This is a pretty serious subject. I'd hate to see it devolve to the level of a usenet flame war. For the record, I have ``read up" on the situation quite a bit.

Okay, I'll skip ahead for one more in the same vein...

Rick said: But the kind of cheap shot he took is typical of the rudderless Republican leadership these days.

Now back to Jody for the duration: Hmmm... I'm sure not a Republican, and certainly not one of their leaders. And calling it a ``cheap shot" is, like the previous comment, pretty insulting. Again, I would ask that we try to keep things a little more civil.

I don't want to type this whole message as quote-reply, because I like writing paragraphs. But I'll try to respond to some of Rick's other points as well. First, the question of ``what is our goal in Serbia?" was a serious one. Surely the most serious one I've ever asked here. There have been many goals mentioned in the press, and even a few mentioned on CNN I guess (I don't watch it). Rick seems to subcribe to the idea of Stopping The Ethnic Cleansing. If that was our goal, I'd have to say it was a complete and utter failure. We didn't stop the cleansing, we accelerated it. The first horrendous mistake was Clinton insisting we would not send in the ground troops. Never tell the enemy what you WON'T do. That's just a basic rule. Indeed, the safest place for the Serbian troops to be was in Kosovo. And, there wasn't even any sort of plan in place, should we decide to send troops in. That was another mistake. ((John Boardman was quite perplexed by the fact that so few Diplomacy szines discussed this extensively. Other than his szine, this is the only place I saw anything significant about it, and I'm happy to have more about it. I thought this before and I still think we have a winter disaster waiting to happen if the weather is at all average or worse than usual!))

Around a million Kosovars ended up as refugees. Sure, they're coming back now, but what are they coming back to? And many of them will never come back. And it will be years before things are anything like they were. Many people will be living in tents this winter, and many people will die. And all of them will remember what happened. We've helped sow the seeds of misery for many years to come. This is not a result to be proud of.

Rick mentions the images of slaughter which came over CNN. There was a good article about the imagery of war in the July issue of Reason. The gist of it was that images are powerful, but images alone are not a reason to go to war. As for CNN, it's well known that they are very pro-pentagon, pro-CIA. It's not surprising that they would use (even manipulate) images as propaganda. I'm not saying the Serbs are the good guys, but I wouldn't base any opinion on the pictures on CNN.

As for Germany's reasons for participating, if they're trying to salve a collective guilt, I wouldn't say that's a very good reason. And other reasons have been put forth, such as a desire to demonstrate military might, which also don't sound so good. I also don't subscribe to the idea that this is a ``just war", because we don't have any direct national interest. Just about every war that's ever been fought has been fought for ``just" reasons. Take World War I, probably the most useless war you can imagine, yet nearly every country who entered it did so for the ``just" reason of helping one of their neighbors. Even Germany. History will decide whether we did the right thing. We don't get to decide that now.

Oh, and who else helped us? The Turks! The good and noble Turks, who have recently killed a few hundred thousand Kurds. And, unlike the ethnic Albanians, who might at least be able to immigrate to Albania, the Kurds have no home country to go to. And do we say anything about this ``ethnic cleansing"? Of course not, the Turks are our allies! Has one US leader even made ANY remark about this situation? The sheer hypocrisy of it is galling.

I also am no big fan of the CIA. It wouldn't surprise me if the bombing of the Chinese embassy was really intentional. It also wouldn't surprise me if the CIA incited the KLA, knowing that Milosevic would crack down and then we'd have an excuse to go in. This is just a theory, but what if it turns out later to be true? What happens to our ``just" war then?

Another mistake was equating Milosevic with Hitler. For one thing, it shows a crass disregard for history. For another, it cheapens the real discussion. Also, it makes us look ridiculous when we end up negotiating with him at the end. You don't negotiate with Hitler. Clinton himself, in making a speech explaining the attacks originally, stated that BOTH world wars had started in the Balkans! (That statement may have been edited on CNN). He also stated that the Balkans were ``the heart of Europe". Well, no. They're a backwater separated from the rest of Europe by mountains and saltwater.

Finally, I have to mention the hundreds of innocent civilians killed and maimed by our bombing campaign, and thousands more who will suffer and die because of it. Clearly, this was a war waged against the CIVILIAN population. We barely made a dent in the Serb military. Original damage estimates turned out to be (surprise!) vastly overestimated. But yes, the damage to the civilian infrastructure was great. While we tried to avoid losing even one soldier, we were willing to inflict horrible suffering on civilians on the other side. We bombed schools, hospitals, even a food processing plant! I'm not proud of what we did. I'm ashamed. We all should be ashamed.

Okay, well, enough of that. On a lighter note, I recently got the album by Everlast on the strength of two songs I heard on the Radio. One is called ``The Ends" and the other is called ``What It's Like". I like both of these songs a lot, but these are the only two decent songs on the whole album! The rest are mostly rap, and some are really bad rap at that. It's as if he worked hard on the two songs, and then decided that doing things right was just too much trouble, and cranked out the rest as quick as he could. Too bad. Interesting thing: in ``The Ends" there's a line ``If you're broke she's spitting, If you're rich she might swallow". On the radio here, they actually bleep out ``spitting" and ``swallow"!! So, it's official, they are now censoring ideas and not just words. It's a real slippery slope. ((Wow, really??? This is ``staid old New England'' but very little is censored on the radio over here. I've definitely heard lots more than that go through without bleeping. They even play Violent Femmes famous ``Add It Up'' without bleeping on many stations around here.))

Geeze, I remember when FM was good and you could even hear dirty words. This is the ``alternative" radio station here and it reminds me of AM sometimes. Then, on the ``classic" radio station I hear ``Midnight Rambler" by the Rolling Stones, which has one of the best Rock endings ever: ``I'll stick my knife right down your THROAT baby and it hurts!!". It gets all the way to the last line and the f***ing DJ talks over it!!! It's shit like that that makes me pop the tape in and swear I'll never listen to radio again. Then after a while I listen again and then they make me mad again. Today they played ``Suzie Q" by Credence and chopped it off once it got to the instrumental part. AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Oh well, getting late now. More music stuff with my next letter...

((Since I've been sitting on this note on Kosovo from John Schultz for a bit.... let's go to that next.))

John Schultz (a while back)

Hey Jim, Yep! Feeling lots better. 95% or so - and I'll take that happily now that I'm hittin' 50.

Speaking of Kosovo, well, you did in TAP. What did you think of that Russian ploy of prematurely entering Pristina? ((They forgot the first rule of warfare - always have a secured supply line before going somewhere.... but otherwise it was ballsy!)) Now, I'm not a big fan of Russia; their history of wickedness makes ours look tame by comparison, and they're definitely propping up a man whom I can only describe as a ``piece of shit'' (excuse my Yugoslavian) - but I thought it was an absolutely brilliant piece of political strategy. They're instantly a major world power again (whether they really are, or not) and not a damn thing anyone can do about it. ((Until they ran out of food....)) Unfortunately, Clinton will take most of the blame. I rolled watching all the pundits trying to explain it away as miscommunication.

Rip Gooch (Combined from many beginning with Thu, 12 Aug 1999 09:10:47 -0700 (PDT))

For information, Jim, my reply to Conrad on the subject of ``solder" went thus:

``Conrad: Thanks for your response. Your research is more exhaustive than mine, I must admit. But note the dates of your sources: Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary (1984); OED (1971).

The latest SOED, Websters and Collins all appear to be `de-emphasising' alternative pronunciations, especially in their Canadian editions. Of course, the full version of the OED will, one hopes, maintain its thoroughness to the last. `Sod her' was, indeed, the phrase to which I was alluding. I believe we may share a delight in evolutionary language ...

I shall comment further when I have the time and energy. I have a play to write. ``Missing Slowhand" proceeds apace.

- - - - - - -

You cannot be allowed to get away with it! There is a world of difference between the accurate usage of while and whilst. I customarily use both words in everyday speech. The distinction to my mind is that ``whilst" means ``concurrent with", or ``at the same time as" and ``while" refers to a vague chunk of time, as in ``for a short while". Therefore, it is acceptable to say ``all the while" in the place of ``whilst". Now shoot me down again, Conrad. I do not take recourse to dictionaries when defending my own style of language, by the way.

Speaking (writing) of Conrad, his letter on the word ``solder" actually muddies the water further. I replied to him personally, so I shall have to dig out my original to append (not attach ... ) to this message. ((I ended up putting it first, as you can see!))

Noticed anything funny happening in baseball? I refer, of course, to those Blue Jays. What was it someone said in a recent TAP? ``I can't see Toronto doing anything"? Would you like salt and pepper to help you down your words, Jim? ((Nope, sorry, I was looking at the potential and now actual collapse of the Toronto pitching that was not augmented the way that Oakland surely was and Boston likely was. It's easy to say as the Red Sox are slowly picking up pace again. Toronto is still playing well, but they won't catch the Red Sox, I don't believe - either at any point in time or at the end of the season. Oakland CAN catch the Red Sox, but I don't think they will. The proof is in the pudding, naturally.))

Honky Tonk Woman contains the words ``ginsoaked etc" so there is some duplication in your Rolling Stones list.

- - - - - - -

The modern DJ. Is he a musician or a technician? True, there has to be artistry in the composition of mixes and originality in the construction, but inspiration is what is lacking to my mind. It is this which drives composers and writers to create their art. The play I am writing is from an original idea of mine. If at some time in the future someone comes along and takes the central theme and turns it into a movie, who should receive the credit? Thus, if the most significant chord progression in a famous song is surgically extracted and inserted into another context, where is the line between creativity and technique? I spent a sleepless night agonising over this problem - you can probably tell. What started it was the fact that I might be accused of plagiarism when my play is staged, as striking similarities in plotline exist in a recently released movie. I'm rambling. Sorry you have to be the recipient of my thoughts. At least I'm not plaguing my own readership as in the old days! ((Hey, I enjoy this stuff.... and you seem to get other people thinking too. You might be just a LITTLE pedantic on this language stuff, but not too disgustingly awful.))

Random notes: I am simultaneously annoyed and intrigued by the word ``phenom" which seems to be applied to athletes, musicians and actors with careless abandon. I wonder whether its origins can be traced. Is it based on the word ``phenomenon"? Why the abbreviation? Why do otherwise literate commentators insist on using it? ((It's based on the adjective ``phenomenal'' and changing the adjective into a noun. It's in my Webster's dictionary, though not the OED, defined as ``as person of phenomenal ability or promise''.))

I have one of the characters in my play use the word ``glitch". Pat wondered whether the word was current at the time of its setting (1978). Research shows that it was first coined by John Glenn in 1962, although it was in use before then. It means a microscopically small electric charge which can cause virtually undetectable change in sensitive equipment. It sounded British to me, and I distinctly remember my father using the word when I was very young. Frustrating to have such a memory without the means to confirm it. My father built bridges in Germany just after the war whilst serving with the Royal Engineers. He fell in the river twice and contracted pneumonia both times. These he referred to as minor glitches.

What's with those baseball stats? Everything is quoted in percentages but three significant places are used. Surely, this is a permillage? Pedant, pedant! ((Ummmm, aren't you the pot calling the kettle black....))

- - - - - - -

This Press Association story might be worthy of comment in one way or another!

``Title: Musicians' Union Welcomes `Fatboy-Style' Djs

The '90s breed of creative DJs in the Fatboy Slim mould are to be accepted as musicians for the first time by the union which represents the industry. After years of exclusion, the Musicians' Union is drawing up plans to offer a package of benefits to ``DJ composers". The move reflects the importance they now have as a growing sector of the music business."

Reprinted without permission ...

Are the modern breed of DJs true musicians? I reserve judgement for now. What is sampling if it is not the unauthorised theft of intellectual copyright? Oops - seems I've commented ... ((We've been down that road in discussions here before, as you probably can gather from the fact that I am a HUGE Negativland fan, I am basically where the Musicians' Union appears to be on this. At least, I think I am.))

- - - - - - -

To the best of my knowledge, the word ``smeg" originated from Red Dwarf. I certainly do not recall having heard it before the first series. Maybe I stand to be corrected by Liverpudlians everywhere! Craig Charles was (is) a spectacularly accomplished stand-up comic poet. His Liverpool monologues were first rate.

((I would be shocked if Craig Charles wasn't using those ``smeg'' references in his stand-up act long before Red Dwarf. Still, Charles is a brilliant comedian in any forum. Next up, Simon Billenness is making noises about publishing ``something'' again. Here's his latest note....))

Simon Billenness (Fri, 06 Aug 1999 11:51:55 -0400)

Hello again: Every few years, the writing bug bites me.

In my teens and twenties, I published two fanzines: Inflammatory Material and Excitement City Unlimited. Both fanzines grew out of my involvement in the postal Diplomacy hobby. However, my main motivation in publishing was to write and stay in touch with friends. ((Anyone doubt that I ***STILL*** say the same thing???))

Each time I published a fanzine, I upgraded in my use of technology. In the mid-1980's, I typed up Inflammatory Material on stencils and printed it on a mimeograph, once even by hand. By the late 1980's, I had Excitement City Unlimited photocopied and, midway through the fanzine's run, I bought my first PC and enjoyed the advance of wordprocessing.

This time around, I'm inspired by email journals that are archived on websites. Karawynn Long's journal ninelives and website has been a particular inspiration to me for its consistent quality of writing and fine graphic design. Check it out at http://www.karawynn.net.

The ease of publishing an email journal is quite astounding. No more wrestling an inky mimeograph into submission. No more writing address labels by hand from subscription records on file cards. Just write a few bon mots, click on your email address list of subscribers and you can entertain thousands with just a couple of keystrokes. ((Oh, you make loads of the old farts around here just all squishy inside with that....)) Technology certainly has its uses. ;-)

So what do I feel compelled to write about this time? I already write articles and a regular column for Investing For a Better World, my company's newsletter, but I want to do more than just generate propaganda. I feel continual urges to write about personal interests and incidents. Every now and then I just want to rant just like Dennis Miller. I'm even tempted to try my hand at fiction.

My main concern is: ``Do any of you want to read this?" So far, I've sent you guys - ``you guys" being an eclectic assortment of friends - just a selection of email humor and chatty change of address notices. None of you signed up to read my ramblings. So if you don't want to read my email journal, let me know now and I'll take your email address off my list.

For those of you who remain, stay tuned every fortnight. I'll work hard to make it worth your time.

``So I called up George and he called up Jim, I said let's make a deal.

He said he'd talk to him. Gonna start a church where you can save yourself,

You can make some noise, When you've got no choice...

You told me useful things, what people think of me, I guess I should thank you.

It's true, then I agree... I'm all alone, I've got no choice,

I'm all alone, I've got no choice."

From ``Got No Choice" by the incomparable Mark Cutler, from the CD Mark Cutler and Useful Things.

If you want to submit orders, press, or letters by E-Mail, you can find me through the Internet system at ``burgess of world.std.com''. If anyone has an interest in having an E-Mail address listed so people can negotiate with you by computer, just let me know. FAX orders to (401) 277-9904.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Stan Johnson, Randy Ellis, Heath Gardner, Phil Reynolds, Paul Kenny, Sean O'Donnell Dan Gorham, and John Schultz stand by for regular Diplomacy.

Kurt Ozog, Mike Barno, Phil Reynolds, Sean O'Donnell, and Jim Sayers stand by for the Colonial Diplomacy game.

Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Phil Reynolds, Jim Sayers, and Kurt Ozog stand by for the Modern Diplomacy game.

Sean O'Donnell and David Partridge stand by for Colonia. I still need standbys for the Colonia game!

Let me know if you want on or off these lists, especially OFF. Standbies get the szine for free and receive my personal thanks.

The next Breaking Away is filling that will appear here. See details under the Breaking Away game below. The other game is starting in Tinamou. See the subszine for more details next time it appears (I hope that is next issue).

I am starting one more regular Diplomacy game. The game is filled with Buddy Tretick (free), John Biehl (pd.), Terry Tallman, Dwayne Shreve (pd.), Sean O'Donnell, Randy Ellis, and Dan Gorham (pd.). Although this has to be considered something of a ``feature'' game, I won't name it after Buddy since the previous such games I've done like that have had the featured person be eliminated quickly. I think I'll find an appropriate Mekons song for the game name. This game is NOW tentatively filled. I have a few preference lists, so why don't we try to get preference lists from all of you. Remember that according to my house rules, if someone doesn't submit a preference list, I do it by random draw. Send $20 for the game start, which gives you a subscription for however long the game lasts and $5 in refundable NMR insurance. I think I have noted those who are paid above, but I am verifying that everyone is in at this point, so please don't let me down! Buddy, of course, has a lifetime free subscription and doesn't have to pay the game fee.

The only other Diplomacy oriented opening left is an opening for a game of Star Trek Diplomacy! These will be the last Diplomacy game openings until more games end. See Stephen Agar's rules on his web page at:

http://www.spoff.demon.co.uk/variants/startrek.htm

There are two changes I am looking at when I start the game. First, I really want to name all the star systems after Star Trek locations. I have begun to do this already, but if someone wants to contribute significantly, or even volunteer to do it all, I will offer a free game start in the game. Second, after naming all of the systems, I think I want to nix the ``revolving rings'' rule. I am open to suggestions on the latter, though I want to print maps and ***I*** don't know how to make the rings rotate easily. The game start is open now, and since I want to STRONGLY encourage press, you can sign up and ``claim'' a race. Stephen Agar claims the Borg and Jody McCullough claims the Romulans. Buddy Tretick and Roland Sasseville, Jr., also are set to play. I'm expanding my net and hope to fill this soon. This game also has the $20 game fee ($5 of it refundable for NMR insurance).

I suppose I have to admit that no one is requesting Pontevedria, the North American game opening flyer, from Conrad von Metzke any more. You can contact Conrad by E-Mail at metzke of san.rr.com if you want to ask him about it. I'd be pleased to help anyone find other game openings on a personal basis too. The longer run solution might come out of the efforts of the Brits, on which we might be able to piggyback. If you are interested, contact Stephen Agar at stephen of spoff.demon.co.uk who still heads up The Diplomatic Pouch postal section or or join the Brit hobby mailing list at: http://www.spoff.demon.co.uk/ukpbmlist.htm

THE DUE DATE FOR FALL 1751 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

Pre-Fall 1751

AUSTRIA (Prosnitz): has a VIENNA, a BAVARIA, a BELEM, f ADRIATIC, f SOUTH PACIFIC.

CHINA (Acheson): has a WUHAN, a TIBET, a CHINGHAI, f EAST CHINA SEA.

ENGLAND (Power): has a PERU, a KAMERON, f MALAYA, f NORTH SEA, f IRISH SEA.

FRANCE (Gamble): has a TOULON, f LIGURIAN SEA, a SAHARA, a MASSACHUSETTS, a LEON.

NETHERLANDS (Schuetz): has a ANTWERP, a LOUISIANA, a GABON, f HANOVER(WC), f CORAL SEA.

OTTOMAN (Johnson): has a BAGHDAD, a SUEZ, a PERSIA, f BULGARIA(SC),

f CENTRAL PACIFIC OCEAN.

PORTUGAL (Stimmel): has a LISBON, a VANCOUVER, a NIZAM, a ARGENTINA,

f CANARIES.

RUSSIA (Rauterberg): has a KIEV, a LITHUANIA, a MONGOLIA, a NATAL,

f BALTIC SEA, f KOREA.

SPAIN (Gardner): has a VALENCIA, a TEXAS, a ETHIOPIA, f WESTERN MEDITERRANEAN SEA,

f PHILIPPINE SEA.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Gene Prosnitz, 2600 Netherland Ave., Apt. 1116, Riverdale, NY 10463, (718) 601-8131 ($5)

CHINA: Bob Acheson, 304-556 Laurier Ave., Ottawa, ONTARIO K1R 7X2, CANADA ($5)

racheson of intranet.ca

ENGLAND: John Power, 5043 Lymbar Dr., Houston, TX 77096, (713) 283-8962 ($5)

jrpower of bechtel.com

FRANCE: Terry Gamble, 201 Kenney Ave., Barksdale AFB, LA 71110, (318) 752-1787 ($5)

velobus of shreve.net

NETHERLANDS: Karl Schuetz, 20 Toledo Lane, Willingboro, NJ 08046, (609) 871-9058

OTTOMAN: Stan Johnson, 12036 S. Potomac St., Phoenix, AZ 85044, (602) 589-0034 ($5)

PORTUGAL: Robert Stimmel, Apt. #57, Casa de Sherry Apts., 2462 North Sycamore Blvd.,

Tucson, AZ 85712-2541, (520) 326-8369 ($5)

RUSSIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of execpc.com

SPAIN: Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607 (919)-834-4832 ($5)

hgardner of prodigy.net

Game Notes:

1) Note the new address and phone number for John Power!!

2) I am being assured that Karl is in the game and will get me orders by the 18th, even though I haven't heard a peep from him. We'll go with that, but if he doesn't show, I'm going to be tempted to take over the country myself and beat the pants off you guys!!! (mostly) kidding....

3) I want to thank Robert Stimmel for continuing to give me extra map updates. The map I printed last time is courtesy of David Partridge. I realized I should credit him properly. I will be using it for my map. As Robert notes, sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between fleets (I use capital letters) and armies (I use small letters). As is true in ALL szines which print maps of which I am aware, the map is a SERVICE to the players. It is NOT intended to be a substitute for the listing of the units. The listing of the units ALWAYS is held to supercede any error or bad handwriting that causes a misinterpretation of the map. Still, I thank Robert for keeping me on my toes and commenting where the map was confusing or hard to follow. Robert has some more press on this below.

Press:

(MAP Q): The map probably wasn't intended to be completely accurate. For example, Hesse should be west of Saxony, and Bavaria.

(BUILD Q): Issue #216 had the home centers and special SC's of Nanking, Naples, and Crimea listed. ((Yes, when we finally get Fall run and I print an SC chart, you will have the places ***I*** think you can build capitalized, while neutral centers will be in small letters. This will be according to the rules, not considering if you can ACTUALLY build there because of the presence of other units. BUT, I'm glad someone keeps my back issues on these things. I can't keep reprinting them every issue! You're responsible for keeping up on the rules. I'll try to help you where I can, but I want this game to stay in the main szine, and to do that I have to keep the number of pages it takes up down to a dull roar.))

(PORT): We are employing English ship builders who built their Malayan fleet. It's so big it reaches from Siam's west coast to Siam's east coast.

(P-N): Hungry Hague sailors will continue going hungry as they went to Hanover, not Hamburg. Why not try Turkey or Oesterreich (ostrich)?

THE DUE DATE FOR WINTER 1901 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

GAME DELAYED - Pre-Winter 1901

AUSTRIA (Zarr): bld 2; has f GRE, a RUM, a SER.

ENGLAND (Sayers): bld 1; has a NWY, f NTH, f NWG.

FRANCE (Sasseville): bld 2; has f POR, a PIC, a SPA.

GERMANY (Pinelli): STAN JOHNSON IS CALLED AS STANDBY; bld 2; has f DEN, a RUH, a HOL.

ITALY (Schultz): bld 2; has f TUN, a APU, a VIE.

RUSSIA (Trent): bld 1; has f SWE, a FIN, a UKR.

TURKEY (Munson): bld 2; has f BLA, a SEV, a BUL.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (Zarr):

bud,tri,gre,ser,rum

(has 3, bld 2)

ENGLAND (Sayers):

lon,lvp,edi,nwy

(has 3, bld 1)

FRANCE (Sasseville):

bre,par,mar,spa,por

(has 3, bld 2)

GERMANY (Pinelli):

ber,kie,mun,den,hol

(has 3, bld 2)

ITALY (Schultz):

rom,ven,nap,tun,vie

(has 3, bld 2)

RUSSIA (Trent):

mos,stp,war,swe,

(has 3, bld 1)

TURKEY (Munson):

ank,smy,con,bul,sev

(has 3, bld 2)

Neutral:

bel

(Total=34)

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821 ($5)

hdzarr of dmacc.cc.ia.us

ENGLAND: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of compuserve.com

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of home.com and ICQ: 40565030

GERMANY: Richard Pinelli, ??? ($4)

GERMANY: Standby is Stan Johnson, 12036 S. Potomac St., Phoenix, AZ 85044, (602) 589-0034

ITALY: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

RUSSIA: Chris Trent, 8553 Banff Vista Dr., Elk Grove, CA 95624-1746, (916) 685-7772 ($5)

ChrisT98 of aol.com

TURKEY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

samunson71 of hotmail.com

Game Notes:

1) Jim Sayers will be away from Sydney between 19th August and 26th September. His Email addresses in Los Angeles and New York will be:

LOS ANGELES: 19th August-25th August jrespondek of aol.com

NEW YORK: 25th August-4th September FSpringfie of aol.com

Jim will not be available at all between the 4th and the 26th.

2) Richard Pinelli has disappeared, closing both his E-Mail and phone numbers. Since Winter 1901 builds are so important and given that Jim Sayers is traveling (though I do have orders for him on file), I am delaying the game while calling a standby, Stan Johnson. Richard may well get back caught up with us before the next deadline and if he does so, that's fine. But we'll be ready with a standby. Remember that, according to my house rules, you may make your builds contingent on who is playing the German position.

Press:

(MOSCOW-EUROPE): Sadly, the Tsar has taken an illness of the mind leading him to make irrational and unreasonable actions. Rumours have spread across the Motherland that he is ``a loony''. We hope that such horrible rubbish should not infect our neighbors. His Majesty's physician tells us it was caused by stress and lack of relaxation. However, he has spent many sleepless nights mumbling, ``Those dirty Turks.... those rotten, good for nothing Turks...''

(MR. MUNSON to MR. SCHULTZ): I got your letter and think, as you do, that we should ally for the time being. May it be a productive union.

(NEW YORK EVENING TIMES): Great War of Europe Spreading! While the empires of southeastern Europe have viciously contested the Balkans and the Black Sea region, events remain relatively quiet in the West. Many believe conflict is imminent between Great Britain and Germany. Although this is the widely held view across the Continent, sources have leaked information that England is discussing entente with the Germans to make gains against the docile French. There are no official reactions by any of the three nations to these reports.

(DA'NEO POPE - WORLD): I received a communique regarding a dip game. Was it this game? I don't know - it didn't say. Was it this 'zine? I don't know - it didn't say. Where was it from? I don't know - there was no return address. The postmark was California. What country was the writer playing? Myself? I don't know - they weren't mentioned. What text I could read suggested France and Russia, but who knows? Was it signed? Hell, no! How hard can it be to write: Dear - - - -

re: Name of zine - Game - Country - > Country

Blah, blah, blah!

Take care, - - - -

Common courtesy? Your opinion, mighty Boob? ((I agree with you. You don't see E-Mail, but this is undoubtedly someone who usually corresponds by E-Mail, where a ``return address'' of sorts is automatically attached (usually you can decipher from someone's address who they are). I still think the state of many E-Mail negotiation letters is truly horrible and like to think the continuation of these longer deadline games would encourage more real communication!!)) I play in a lot of games. This sort of thing doesn't help. Seems at least some information is missing from most of the letters I receive. I have to play detective before I play dip. Thanks for letting me vent. ((No problem, no problem at all. You send your orders in a really nice format where each set of orders for each game has the identification you mention and is on a separate piece of paper. I long ago gave up trying to keep separate files for each game because most people do not do this. The only one that still gets me is that I ***DO*** keep a separate E-Mail file for all orders for a particular issue. That's where people get the ``acknowledgement'' I received them, when I place them in that file. Well, some people stick orders in the middle or at the end of a note about something else and guess what? They don't end up and said special issue file! I think I've ``educated'' most people who tended to do it regularly (they know who they are) out of that habit, but there is always someone. This does NOT apply, by the way, to people who begin with an obvious TAP commentary letter, since these letters are jumbled in with the orders as well.))

THE DUE DATE FOR SUMMER 1903 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

THE DUE DATE FOR FALL 1903 IS OCTOBER 9TH, 1999

Spring 1903

AUSTRIA (Gardner): f tri-ven (ann), a vie-BOH, a bud-GAL, and nukes TYO, WAR(2), MOS, STP, SEV.

ENGLAND (Barno): f edi-NWG, f lon-NTH, a lvp-CLY, and nukes PIC, SMY, PIE(2), HEL, GM(3).

FRANCE (S. Kenny): f bre-por (imp, ann), a mar-ven (imp, ann),

a par-spa(nc) (imp, ann), and nukes TUS, LON, PIE(2), GOL, MID.

GERMANY (McCullough): f kie-DEN, a mun-BUR, a ber-KIE, and nukes TYH, SPA(2),

POR(2), SER, *GM*(3).

ITALY (Weiss): f nap-tyh (ann), a rom-tus (ann), a ven-pie (ann),

and nukes 666 SMITH ST., PROVIDENCE RI, USA, EARTH, MILKY WAY GALAXY [GM(3)], INDIANA ST PRISON AUTHORITY OFFICES,

PAR, WAR(2), ANK.

RUSSIA (Reichert): f stp(sc)-GOB, a mos-UKR, a war-SIL, f sev-BLA, and nukes APU, NAP, ROM, VEN.

TURKEY (Schultz): f ank h (ann), a smy h (ann), a CON h,

and nukes ION, SPA(2), POR(2), MAR, BRE.

Addresses of the Participants

Sandy Kenny, 23 East Coulter Avenue, Collingswood, NJ 08108-1208

Jody McCullough, 1071 Brown Avenue, Lafayette, CA 94549-3153

jodym of sprintmail.com

Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of sirius.com (preferred) or rcw23 of hotmail.com

Sara Reichert, 20805 Margaret, Carson, CA 90745-1224

John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

Heath Gardner, 3017 Mayview Road, Raleigh, NC 27607

hgardner of prodigy.net

Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883

mpbarno of lightlink.com

01

02

03

04

05

06

07

TOTAL

SANDY KENNY

4

3

7

JODY MCCULLOUGH

3

1

4

RICHARD WEISS

4

1

5

SARA REICHERT

1

2

3

JOHN SCHULTZ

0

6

6

HEATH GARDNER

5

0

5

MIKE BARNO

0

5

5

Black Holed

15

15

16

46

Neutral

2

1

3

Total

34

34

16

84

Times GM Nuked

1

1

3

5

Greenland

1

0

0

1

Iceland

1

0

0

1

Kurt Ozog

0

1

0

1

Beale St., SF

0

1

0

1

Ind. Prison Off.

0

0

1

1

Game Notes:

1) It looks like a few people forgot a few rules..... remember, moves go first, then the nukes fall!

Press:

(BOOB to PLAYERS - ESPECIALLY THE CALIFORNIA TYPES): See John Schultz' notice above in the press to Secrets. He wanted me to reprint it here, but I will assume that we are all big people who will go look at the note there.

(FRANCE to ENGLAND): I wouldn't drink the water there if I were you!

(GERMANY to FRANCE): That was for bombing Nwy and Swe when I was England.

(HEATH - SARA): Well, I nuked Tyo for you...

(SARA - OTHERS): How many of you saw the headline in the supermarket tabloid WEEKLY WORLD NEWS that ``One In Five Dogs And Cats Are Descended From Space Aliens, Say Experts!'' Remember, mutts are from Mars and kitties are from Venus. ((I actually see this report as quite ``factual'' in a sense. When we look to see what these referenced experts actually have as their field of specialty, we follow English rules and look for the most recent antecedent concept, which is ``Space Aliens''. Thus, they are probably absolutely correct. All of the World's experts on Space Aliens are mega wacko, in my opinion, but if they are correct, they would be the ones to know who or what on Earth is descended from Space Aliens. Of course, the headline means for illiterate people to assume that Cat and Dog experts (e. g.  veternarians) claim this. But it says what it says. Just because I think Space Aliens experts are wacko doesn't mean they don't have the right to sell their stories to tabloids.))

(GERMANY to ITALY): I figure last turn was a wash. That was for bombing Nth.

(INSANE BRITISH ATTEMPT AT JUSTIFYING THE UNJUSTIFIABLE): Sandy and John are two of my favorite allies and the nuke launched at each is purely an instinctive game-balance reflex, fired when the animal brain-stem was running its defenses unhindered by cerebral-cortex considerations of ethics or consequences. The nuke obliterating the GM, on the other hand, was clearly a logical strategic decision. Helgoland looked interesting for opening Fall opportunities. Someone asked me to hit Piedmont; perhaps it will span the Barren Zone and make everybody adjacent for the fall turn.

(DOCTOR RICHARD WEISS to SANDY KENNY AND SARA REICHERT): Women are the biggest liars in the world when they tell you they are having their breasts enlarged... ``because I want to do it for myself, not for men, just for ME.'' Get Serious! Every woman on the planet knows that big breasts mean power. And those who boast ``My husband loves my 28 AAA breasts; he says he wouldn't want me any other way'' are talking about a man who is obviously visually impaired. Let's face it. Men use their eyes a heck of a lot more than they use their brains. To a man's way of ``thinking'', the bigger the better. ((Actually, I don't think that is quite technically true. I would hazard a speculation that most men might find REALLY large breasts fascinating for a bit, but they would also find them a bit ``much'' day to day. You have to differentiate between what turns heads and what generates long term attachments, wouldn't you say?? But go on, you're on a roll....)) If men had the option to have the organ of their choice augmented, they would all end up having to wear specially constructed jock straps to support the giant Sequoia in their pants. ((Ah, so that's why I'm wearing that jock strap today... really!!))

So if you are among the many females who feel you were dealt a bad hand by nature and were given only enough hormones to grow two tiny ant hills on your chest, do something about it. Admitting the problem is the first step in finding a cure. Yes, say it. Repeat after me:

``I want a pair of totally bodacious ta-ta's which will make every man on earth stop dead in his tracks and drool over them.''

Now-don't you feel better? The next step is to go find a good plastic surgeon. I can refer you to some friends of mine.

(MIKE to SARA): If after reading my letter you still feel that dissing the industry in which someone works is an offense worthy of public apology, I encourage you to start with the author of ``Sara Reichert to Richard Weiss: Are you a real doctor with a PhD, or one of those quacks with a DO, MD, DC or something like that?" (TAP issue 217.) I believe Richard has invested about ten more years of fulltime study and a six-figure tuition total beyond what you have? C'mon, let's play Dip, not Prissiest-Cat-In-The-Neighborhood.

(MIKE to RICHARD): Good play to take your son on the American River South Fork. Best way to avoid nuclear contamination (and most other poisons) is to get in the wilderness. These days almost all of the wilderness has been eaten up by ä plague of humans," so what's left is mostly in mountains. This gives the remaining wild places advantages like few humans nearby, often clean water sources, often high elevation where some of the pollution doesn't get. Besides being good for the soul (for lack of a better word), wilderness vacations get Alexander away from some of the gasses and airborne particulates, some of the miswelded reactors (my uncle was a welding inspector at Nine Mile Point and bosses would overrule him when he wanted unsafe welds redone), some of the random bullets, some of the diseases spread daily, and other things that affect the body.

(GERMANY to AUSTRIA): That was for bombing Nth, AND for not returning any of my emails. Maybe you could contact me some time. My email address never changes, and I answer every message.

(JOHN-SARA): Anything to assist a mistreated lady. Well, this time anyway.

(RUSS RUSNIK to NYEED PLAYERS): BEWARE! Sara Reichert is the kind of woman who will cheerfully plunge a knife into your back and then call the police to tell them that you are carrying a concealed weapon.

(TURKEY - > SPAIN): You understand, don't you? Stick pins in the leader and all that!?

(GERMANY to GM): No need to explain your nuke but here goes anyway... 1) for continous ((sic)) and egregious flubbage in regards to my press in this game. ((We can also send you to ``speeling skool'' to teach you how to spell.... but why bother??)) 2) For tradition. 3) I had one spare, and I hated to ``waste" it. And last but not least... 4) Because I felt like it.

(TURKEY - > ALL): Please note that the previously stated idiom does not apply to second placers.

(GERMANY to ALL): From my POV, I have evened out all ``old scores" this time. If anybody else took a shot at me this time, my nukes will see you next time. If anyone feels I have not been fair in regards to my payback, drop me a line and we can discuss it. I'm pretty reasonable.

(WEBSTERS - > NITPICKERS): Yes, that's right, ``flubbage".

(BOOB USES THE OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY): Not even the root word ``flub'' is considered correct English. I'm not fixing your spelling OR grammar any more!!

(JOSEPHINE BONAPARTE to THE CZARINA): Can't let these men boss us around!

THE DUE DATE FOR SUMMER 1903 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

THE DUE DATE FOR FALL 1903 IS OCTOBER 9TH, 1999

Spring 1903

AUSTRIA (Pollard): a tri-VIE, a vie-GAL, a BUD S a rum, a BOH-sil,

a SER S f bul(sc), f BUL(SC) S a rum, a war-LVN, a RUM S a vie-gal.

ENGLAND (Tallman): f NTH S f bar-nwy, f ska-SWE, f bar-NWY.

FRANCE (Morris): f bre-ENG, a BUR S GERMAN a bel (otm), f POR S a spa,

a SPA h, a PIC picks nose (h).

GERMANY (Sayers): f DEN S ENGLISH f ska-swe, a BER-sil, f HOL h,

a kie-MUN, a bel-RUH.

ITALY (Munson): f nap-ION, f GOL h, f mid-IRI, a pie-VEN, a mun-TYO.

RUSSIA (Reynolds): f nwy S f swe (d r:nwg,ska,otb),

f swe S f nwy (d r:fin,gob,bal,otb), a ukr-MOS, a fin-STP.

TURKEY (Barno): a CON-bul, a SMY-con, f BLA S a con-bul, a SEV-rum.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711 ($4)

ENGLAND: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($4)

terryt of sinclair.net

FRANCE: Scott Morris, 12110 Shelbyville Rd., Louisville, KY 40243, (502) 893-8260 ($5)

Scottm221 of aol.com

GERMANY: Jim Sayers, 15 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 2025, AUSTRALIA ($10)

100233.513 of compuserve.com

ITALY: Scott Munson, PO Box 1042, Gardiner, MT 59030, (406) 848-2102 ($5)

samunson71 of hotmail.com

RUSSIA: Phil Reynolds, 2896 Oak Street, Sarasota, FL 34237, (813) 953-6952

preyno of yahoo.com

TURKEY: Mike Barno, 634 Dawson Hill Road, Spencer, NY 14883 ($5)

mpbarno of lightlink.com

Game Notes:

1) Luckily, Jim Sayers doesn't have any retreats. We should be on track to stick to the above schedule.

Press:

(TO ALL): Been busy, sorry for the silence.

(E to G): Hope this worked.

(E to G): I called a couple of times away back when but you keep goofier hours than I do.

(F to E): YO! are you the Mime Prime Minister or what?? I count 3 emails unanswered. And while we are ``chatting" what is up with those disbands???

(MIKE to KENT): How good a coffee do I have to buy you to make you reverse your S'03 course? Jamaican Blue Mountain? Or the Javanese beans that have been through a critter's digestive system?

(R. ELLIS to BARNO): He's making bad decisions because I taught him to play Diplomacy rather than you? Perhaps. Actually, unlike you and I, poor Kent never had the opportunity to play a 7 player face-to-face Diplomacy game. I think that's part of the problem. The other part of the problem undoubtedly lies in the fact that you always insisted that we be in ``proper Titan frame of mind" when playing war-games. I think it's your fault...

(MIKE to DOC and KENT): Tell Randy Ellis (way over there in ``Fear and Whiskey") that he MUST join my Mad Yellowstone Expedition of '99. He's being hesitant just because he's currently in Randy-Spazz Mode, his most common status. I've got a bunch of friends and loved ones to see. I'm meeting one coming from Hawaii at the same time.

(RANDY ELLIS to ITALY/AUSTRIA): Get Turkey all the way... Just a suggestion. By the way, gents, I've signed up for the new Diplomacy game. Anyone care to join me? ((Sorry, Randy, the game is full!! It's gonna be a goodie, methinks.))

(E to UNCLE BERNIE!!!): Let the rejoicing begin!!!

(F to A): Have you knifed everyone yet???????????

(RUSSIA to FRANCE): Great idea, although I think we have a loose cannon on our side.

(BOOB to RUSSIA): Think Napoleon, could he have changed his name to Scott???

(F to GM): Dammit Jim, I'm a Frenchman.

(E to R): Nothing personal, just trying to make amends to my German buddy.

(ITALIAN FISHY to THE WORLD): Yes, I have ``flopped" once again.

(RUSSIA to ENGLAND): To quote Mr. Furious from Mystery Men, ``Don't mess with me or I'll go NUCLEAR on your butt!''

(RUSSIA to AUSTRIA): To quote King Arthur's knights from Monty Python and the Holy Grail in the face of overwhelming force, ``RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

(MOP to THE SULTAN): So where do you want this fleet?

(E to I): Do you EVER log off AOL???

(CAPT. TOM BROWN'S SPEECH to HIS FELLOW ITALIAN MERCENARIES AT MIDNIGHT MEETING): ``I'm telling you that this course of action is insane! No matter how much you dislike the French and their `car salesman ways,' you cannot ignore the threat of the Austro-Hungarian Empire just because they claim allegiance with us. With little to no communication from their normally talkative diplomats and the fact that they have started wrangling with other supposed allies over border lands, we have NO CHOICE but to pull back and defend the borders of Venice until further communications can be established. To continue the push on France would be inviting disaster from behind."

The rest of the assorted military men in the room took in the words.

Flashman sat back in his chair and puffed on his cigar, wondering if this young army captain was really serious. Captain Tomas Brown, like Flashman himself, was a foreign ``gun-for-hire," bought by the Italians in the months preceding the outbreak of hostilities in Europe. But unlike Flashy, Brown had been campaigning for a clash with the Austrians. Our hero had enjoyed some good debaucherous times drinking and whoring around with one of Austria's leading diplomats, Mr. Pollard, and still held some fondness in his heart for that lecherous scoundrel. In any case, Flashman was going to do what he knew would save his own hide. He was going back to his homeland.

(F to T): Do the Austrians have bad breath?

(NEW INTERNET GAME): ``Music Monotony". The program checks the signal of any ``Lite FM" radio station whose signal is carried over the Internet. If ``Livin' La Vida Loca", ``Love After Love", ``Beautiful Stranger", ``Last Ride", or ``All-Star" is being played, you lose a point. If any other song is playing, you gain a point. To win, you need a score of zero or better after one hour of play.

(F to I): I am willing to re-add you to the Christmas card list!!!!

THE DUE DATE FOR FALL 1903 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

Summer 1903

AUSTRIA (K. Ozog): has a VIE, f AEG, a TRI, a BUD.

ENGLAND (James): has f NAO, f NWY, f MID, f ENG, f SWE, a PIC.

FRANCE (Kinney): R f mid-NAF; has a SPA, a POR, f NAF.

GERMANY (Goesle): has a BOH, a BER, f KIE, f DEN, a BRE, a MAR.

ITALY (Rauterberg): has a VEN, f ION, a TYO, a GRE.

RUSSIA (Rusnak): has a UKR, a LVN, f GOB, f BLA, a RUM.

TURKEY (Emmert): R f aeg-SMY; has a ARM, f SMY, f CON, a SER, a BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Kurt Ozog, 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL 60103, 630-837-2813

kozog of cpiconf.com

ENGLAND: Drew James, 8356 Radian Path, Baldwinsville, NY 13027-9357, (315) 652-1956 ($5)

dkbn of msn.com

FRANCE: Mark Kinney, 4820 Westmar Terrace #6, Louisville, KY 40222, (502) 412-3079

alberich of iglou.com

GERMANY: Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235 ($5)

ITALY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 ($5)

prosit of execpc.com

RUSSIA: Russ Rusnak, 1551 Highridge Avenue, Westchester, IL 60154-3428 ($5)

RRRRRUSNAK of aol.com

TURKEY: Steve Emmert, 1752 Grey Friars Chase, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-5436, (757) 471-1842 ($4)

Lse of SykesCarnes.com or semmert of mindspring.com

Game Notes:

1) Mark Kinney is in safely. Thanks for standing by!!

Press:

(DAVE P. to GOZ): Now you've done it! I'd managed to blissfully forget how to even spell Bur-nool-ee, much less run his equations and you had to make me go rooting around in my dust bin of a head for all that stuff. Several hours (and loud sneezes) later, I ran the figures and sure enough, that bell curve looks more like a top hat (which I tip to you) than a bowler.

So, just to abuse statistics a bit more, I figured that based on this the highest paid NL and AL teams have a virtually 100% chance of getting into the playoffs (forget the Orioles, I'm using statistics here!). Once in the playoffs, it takes two series to make it to the world series( .7 x .7) with about a 50% chance for each team. So, if at the start of the season, I bet on those two teams to win the series, I've got a (.7 x .25) + .25 + (.7 x .25) = 60% chance of having the winner! Gotta bet that beats the Vegas odds! I can't believe it though, so I gotta ask, does that 59% win statistic for the higher paid team hold up if you just look at say the top 8 teams? If you only look at the games where they played among themselves, what are the results? I'm guessing that that number gives you a good feel for who will be in the playoffs, but not so much for who will win.

Last question: Any statistics on what the win ratio was in previous years for the better paid teams? Is this really something new, or just something some number jockey happened to crank out?

P.S. Get some sleep my friend, we want you in top form at Dip Incid XII, and the role of crotchety old man is already taken!

(GOZ to DAVE P.): You're missing the point of my diatribe, and Jim-Boob is missing my mood. ((I think everyone could see that you seemed to be beginning to lose your grip.... glad to hear you have a firm grasp on reality!!)) You keep wanting to look at the top of the chart, and I'm more interested in the bottom. Can anyone out there envision a World Series between the Montreal Expos and Kansas City Royals any time soon? Can anyone envision them BOTH finishing above .500 in the same year? The game is rigged, and the smaller teams are being given the shaft due to the finances of the situation. The ``small-market" teams, however we define them, have to get a stadium deal at taxpayer expense just to keep pace with the other ``small-market" teams who are getting stadium deals at taxpayer expense (Milwaukee, Pittsburgh...). Of course, the larger market teams are also getting stadium deals. The dollar amount goes up and up, and now the taxpayer is starting to foot a lot of it ($581M for the new Seattle stadium). ``Ok Goz", I hear you say, ``what do you care? Indianapolis doesn't even have a MLB team". True. But we did have to foot the bill for our minor league team's new ballpark, as the minor league clubs are now holding cities hostage too (there's a AA team in Harrisburg PA that held the city hostage and got a $50M ballpark recently...say what?). ((In Portland, Maine, they're all in a tizzy about 64 million for an arena for their minor league hockey team.... on this point, Goz, I completely agree with you. When individual teams go one-on-one with the cities where they reside, holding the ``unknown'' far away place as an alternative over their home city like the Sword of Damocles, this is pretty unfair. It is up to greedy owners to resolve their own differences to work these things out, I don't seriously think there are easy solutions.)) And of course the other sports are following right along, so I'm paying for a $175M...oops, cost overruns...$183M stadium for the Pacers, and STILL paying an extra sales tax for the football stadium, and now floating bonds for the Dome's suites' expansion, and... I think we see where I'm going here. It keeps coming back to money. If MLB (or the NFL, NBA, NHL, etc.) want a team in a market, I think they're going to have to pony up the bucks themselves and make it pay, because I'm getting tired of supporting them, directly or indirectly. The big market teams keep raising the ante, and for some reason the small market teams feel they need to keep up. I think the small market teams should just tank a whole season to show the silliness of it all. There's only so many teams that can afford to compete, let 'em. Give them a league of their own, with 14 teams in it. OR come up with a revenue-sharing scheme and salary cap that makes sense for a town like Minneapolis to have the Twins get to the Series every 14th year or so. As for my mood Jim-Boob, remember that I'm an engineer, and by nature I want to fix things. I especially want to fix things that are broken that didn't used to be broken. The game of baseball is still good, but the leagues are broken. So I want to fix it, and I'm disappointed, not depressed, that they're not letting me. How come no one comes to me for this stuff? Where's Selig? Get him on the phone now! ((But, I still don't see anything approximating a solution here, only complaints. Where's this magic answer???? Let's say you make it ``illegal'' for local governments to support local teams, then owners hold local businesses [as they are in Boston for Bob Kraft to break his deal to move the Patriots to Hartford and build a new stadium in Foxboro - the ``luxury suites'' are being overpriced outrageously and the threat is out that if local businesses don't pony up, because the government won't, he'll run back to Hartford or somewhere else] hostage, which they pass on to consumers in higher prices or workers in lower wages.... this doesn't work.))

(GERMANY to NEW FRANCE): How is it you keep coming into games where I'm all over you? Nothing personal Mark, honest.

THE DUE DATE FOR TURN 13 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

137 (replenishes with a frosty one):

Kenny McCormick(20)

- F - I - N - A - L - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -

92 (no replenishment):

Empty

91 (replenish with a 3):

Alfred the Great

90 (replenish with a 4):

Peter, Shane the Chain, John Logie-Baird

89 (replenish with a 7):

Alessandro Cyclotron (1)

88 (replenish with a 8):

Stan Marsh, Mopsy

87 (replenish with a 10):

Flopsy

86 (replenish with a 11):

Kyle Broslofski

85 (no replenishment):

Empty

84 (no replenishment):

Empty

83 (replenish with a 3):

Christoph Wheelhub

82 (replenish with a 4):

Bernard Spoke, Eric Cartman

81 (replenish with a 6):

Cottontail

- S - P - R - I - N - T - - F - I - N - I - S - H - - L - I - N - E -

80 (no replenishment):

Empty

79 (replenish with a 3):

Chasin' Jason, Moe

78 (replenish with a 5):

Broke Leg Meg, Shemp, Sir Isaac Newton

77 (no replenishment):

Empty

76 (replenish with a 3):

Larry

75 (replenish with a 4):

Curly

64 (replenish with a 3):

Damon Velodrome

63 (replenish with a 4):

Barkin' Larkin'

51 (replenish with a 3):

Will Shakespeare

Addresses of the Participants - Their Team and Their Cards

TEAM 1 (Farmer McGregor's Dinner): Eric Brosius, 53 Bird Street, Needham MA 02492

(8 points) 72060.1540 of CompuServe.COM

A: Flopsy

7 3 10 3

B: Mopsy

8 14 6

C: Cottontail

6 15 15

D: Peter

4 4 3

TEAM 2 (Chef's Crackers): Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY

(37 points) rick_desper of yahoo.com or desper of math.rutgers.edu

Coach is, of course, Chef

A: Stan Marsh (aka the Star Quarterback)

6 7 3 8

B: Kyle Broslofski (aka the Lonely Jew)

3 11 5

C: Kenny McCormick (aka the Pov)

Quaffing Brews

D: Eric Cartman (aka the FatAss)

12 8 4

TEAM 3 (Goz Transportation Co.): Warren Goesle, 3907 Cedar Ridge, #1B, Indianapolis, IN 46235

(9 points) gozcorp of iquest.net

A: Alessandro Cyclotron

3 3 5 7

B: Bernard Spoke

5 4 4

C: Christoph Wheelhub

3 12 5

D: Damon Velodrome

3 3 3

TEAM 4 (Brit Pack): John Harrington, 1 Churchbury Close, Enfield, Middlesex, EN1 3UW UK

(17 points) johnh of fiendishgames.demon.co.uk

A: Alfred the Great

4 4 7 3

B: Sir Isaac Newton

18 3 5

C: Will Shakespeare

3 3 3

D: John Logie-Baird

7 4 9

TEAM 5 (The Stoogecycles): David Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722

(23 points) rebhuhn of rocketmail.com

A: Curly

11 4 4

B: Larry

3 9 3

C: Moe

15 5 3

D: Shemp

3 5 10

TEAM 6 (The Flat Wheel Society): John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

(4 points) Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

A: Broke Leg Meg

4 3 5

B: Shane the Chain

4 3 4

C: Barkin' Larkin'

3 3 4

D: Chasin' Jason

3 3 3

Game Notes:

1) David Partridge's new game start will start in Tinamou next issue. For the game here, send your team names and cards now!! This means: David Partridge, John Schultz, Tom Howell, Harry Andruschak, Eric Brosius, and John Harrington. We'll be playing Version 2.3 of the rules as published a few issues back. I think I have orders only from John Harrington and Tom Howell so far.... plus team name and rider names from Harry Andruschak!

2) Rule interpretation question..... now that Kenny has NOT been killed and has crossed the final finish line and left the course, can a NEW rider break away from the current pack?? My interpretation is YES. It could not have happened THIS turn, but it CAN happen next turn. Keep that in mind as you maneuver toward the finish.

Press:

(TFWS - > BOOB): Could you either run my press from Secrets here or direct everyone to it? ((I'd rather direct everyone to it, if you don't mind. This issue is going to be a bit large again. Thanks.)) I read your baseball digression - HA! ((I thought YOU would.... it was Don Williams who I was betting missed it, as well as missing this further reference.... heh, heh, heh...))

(GOZ TRANSPORTATION CO., QUARTERLY REPORT to THE PARENT COMPANY, GOZ & CO., INC): Profits down $3M last quarter, due to attempts to bring the company more together. Outside ``experts" believe we have failed miserably. We continue to sell off assets, most recently all spare wheels, the chase vehicle, several bullhorns, the team mascot (``Blimpie"), and 2 layers of management. In a last-ditch effort to save the company, we have invested heavily in futures, hoping against hope to pull through. If it fails our crystal ball reader will be the next to be let go. ((All four of your riders replenished with cards lower than the ones they played - I say that qualifies your crystal ball reader as stinking out the joint!))

(GOZ to VEGAS): Can I get a parlay bet in on the next two to be dropped? I betting Meg & Jason (sorry TFWS). ((They both look in big trouble if those Stooges would just get out of their way!!))

(DAMON to BARKIN': ``Just me and my shadow, stolling down the avenue..."

THE DUE DATE FOR SPRING 2000 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

Winter 1999

BRITAIN (Schultz): has f BEL, f BRN, a FIN, f MUR, a NAV, f GOB, f SAO, f BIS, f MAO.

EGYPT (J. O'Donnell): bld f asw, a ale; has f ASW, a ALE, a LIB, f MAL, a MAC, a ADA,

f MOR, a IRN, f EME.

GERMANY (Rauterberg): bld a mun, a fra, a ham; has a MUN, a FRA, a HAM,

f BHM, a SWI, a AUS, a LAT, a LIT, a CZE, a BIE, a KRA, a AUV, a MIL, f GDA,

a PAR, f BAL, a POD.

ITALY (Ozog): R a aus-VEN; bld a rom; has a ROM, a IZM, a CRO, f TYS, a VEN,

f ION, a MAR, f GOL, a HUN, f GRE.

RUSSIA (Ellis): R f mur otb; a MOS, a STP, a LAP.

SPAIN (S. O'Donnell): bld a mad; has a MAD, a SVE, a POR, f GIB, a BAR, a AND.

UKRAINE (Partridge): bld a sev, a ode, a kha; has a SEV, a ODE, a KHA,

f ANK, a ROS, a KIE, f IST, a GEO, a RUM, a BUL.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: John Schultz, #19390, W-M11L, Indiana Department of Correction,

Plainfield Correctional Facility, 727 Moon Road, Plainfield, IN 46168-9400

EGYPT: Jeff O'Donnell, 402 Middle Ave., Elyria, OH 44035-5728, (440) 322-2920 ($4)

FRANCE: Harry Andruschak, PO Box 5309, Torrance, CA 90510-5309, (310) 835-9202 ($5)

GERMANY: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221, (414) 281-2339 (E-Mail)

prosit of execpc.com

ITALY: Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138, (360) 691-4264 ($4)

ElfEric of Juno.com

POLAND: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($5)

roland6 of home.com and ICQ: 40565030

RUSSIA: Randy Ellis, 1005 Kentucky #2N, Lawrence, KS 66044, (785) 838-9687

Randy1964 of aol.com

SPAIN: Sean O'Donnell, 126 S. Park, Oberlin, OH 44074, (440) 774-2928 ($5)

sean_o_donnell of hotmail.com, seanside of snap.com

TURKEY: Kent Pollard, 1541 W. San Jose, Fresno, CA 93711, (209) 225-0957 ($10)

UKRAINE: Dave Partridge, 15 Elmer Drive, Nashua, NH 03062-1722, (603) 882-3523 ($8)

rebhuhn of rocketmail.com

Game Notes:

1) Check out the Modern Dip web page at: http://www.dragonfire.net/~ Cyberia/modern.htm

2) Note Randy Ellis' new address, it hasn't changed much, but it HAS changed.

Press:

(THE MEKONS QUOTE OF THE MONTH): ``If they hang you I'll have a few sleepless nights; At the witch trial you would not reveal the names of comrades that you never knew.'' From ``If They Hang You'' off of Honky Tonkin.

(SAMUEL JOHNSON to GEORGES CLEMENCEAU): Americans are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

(BOOB to MODERNITES): John Schultz would like me to direct you to his press item printed above in Secrets. I think it doesn't apply to anyone here directly, but in case it does, I do think you can find it and look at it anyway.

(SPAIN to WORLD): Would I give anything away by saying I'm building an army? ((Not especially.... good one!!! Made me laugh!!!))

(SPAIN to GERMANY): I didn't do it, it was the one armed man! ((I didn't believe that one....))

(BRITAIN - TURKEY): Ouch! Better you than me. Alas, you were a faithful and enjoyable communicator to the last. Thank you.

(SPAIN to TURKEY): Sorry to see you go, but life goes on.

(SPAIN to POLAND): At least when Germany started attacking you. Poland saw it coming, Turkey did not.

(A TIP FOR MR. ELLIS): A little word of advice. To be competitive in this game, you have to not NMR. That is a no-no. And always abide by your own rule: Silence = Death. Kill those too lazy to write you. Also, don't ally with the Turk.

(FLOATING BRAIN to FLYING BRAIN): The more dots you try to grab, the more dots will slip through your fingers.

(ANDRUSCHAK-SPORTS LOVERS): I notice that, after winning the World Cup, the members of the US women's soccer team apologized for not scoring during regulation play. Ladies, ladies, there is NO need to apologize to us. Hey, here in southern California we have the Dodgers, the Clippers, and the Lakers. We are quite used to teams not scoring.

(PEANUT GALLERY to KENT POLLARD): oooooohhhh my. Is that a record? ((I really think it might be. I know I haven't seen it before. The structure of Modern made it more difficult in that more powers were involved and less difficult in that Turkey really is surrounded by all of you. It definitely is a strange situation.)) The wolves obviously smelled weakness. To die so unexpectedly. What a pity. The Sultan's mouth was apparently the last to know about the untimely death, to boot. Insert severed foot into still gasping mouth.

(RUSSIA to TURKEY): I don't know how I did it but somehow I outlasted you. Amazing... Well, there's always a new gamestart, you know....

(RUSSIA to GERMANY): Thanks for the correspondence, Paul, and the clear picture of what fate awaits me in ``Fear and Whiskey." Who am I to hold illusions as to my destiny?

(EGYPT to THE WORLD): It's amazing the things a man will do for 30 pieces of gold!

(SPAIN to RUSSIA): Well you never answered if you needed Turkey's army??

(ELLIS to GM): I'm with you. Mr. O'Donnell appears to be in need of a basic grammar course. Despite this handicap though, he'll last longer in this game than I shall. Sigh. ((Even ex-Presidents could benefit from this.... I've changed nothing as it was submitted to me.))

(FORMER PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH): We didn't give a timetable, but we've encouraged in every way these and more. But I am asking that people look at them. I have not seen them-maybe it's my fault-one account on whatever media of these steps put together as a package. Haven't seen one. So I'd like to suggest to the Congress that are debating this to take a hard look at this and see whether it's progress, whether it adds up to anything or, as some of our critics would say, it's pure, you know, boiler plate. (This inspiring quote was in the book The 776 Even Stupider Things Ever Said.)

(MOSCOW to UKRAINE): Good luck. I'm more-or-less out of here after this season. Maybe you'll have more success against the Huns than I've had.

(SPAIN to GERMANY PART 2): Was Britain's move to Bel planned or was it not.

(ANDRUSCHAK-FRIENDS): I went up to Seattle over July 4 weekend to see my sister getting married. (I am 54, she is 50.) She has been married and divorced once and Mike has been married and divorced twice. So they both know what they are getting into but went ahead with it anyway. All went well aside from a 5.3 earthquake in southern Washington state friday evening and some heavy rain saturday morning. But the rain went away, the sun came out for the actual wedding in the park, and all's well that ends well.

My younger brother, Michel, 52 years old, also flew up. We stayed with Mother, 74 years old. Now mother has an old word processor that she uses for letters, and it is about to give up the ghost. I have this 486-66 that my brother has been trying to get me to upgrade for something that can be used for the internet. Result: if my brother (who is almost as bad as me when it comes to procrastination) gets around to it, my 486-66 goes to Mother and I get whatever is the absolutely, positively, the most advanced up-to-date system available. ((And I cheer because you can E-Mail me these letters!!)) I give my brother the money, he buys and sets it up, and.... PRESTO!!!... I am on line with a New! Improved! already totally obsolete system. ((Aw, come on, it won't be obsolete for at least a week.)) But I will be on the World Wide Web. My Brother already has an Andruschak Family Home Page web site. (Use a Web Searcher to find it if really really interested. Turns out that there are a lot of Andruschaks in Canada, of all places.)

THE DUE DATE FOR SPRING 1907 IS SEPTEMBER 18TH, 1999

Winter 1906

BRITAIN (York): bld a del; has a DEL, a BEN, f GOA, a KAG, a KAR, f RS,

f HK, f MAL, a SIK, f PG, f BOB, a KAM, f NAN, f BAN(EC).

FRANCE (Sasseville): R f ban(ec)-CAM; rem f for; has f ANN, a YUN, f GOS, f CAM,

f TON, a CAN, a RAN, a HYD, a ASS.

HOLLAND (Desper): has f SUL.S, f AS, f SCS, f JS, f MP, a SUM, f SUN.S, f LS.

JAPAN (K. Ozog): bld f ota; has f OTA, a KYO, a MAC, a VLA, f ECS,

f SHA, a P.ART, f UP, f YS, f SOJ, a SEO.

RUSSIA (Williams): R a sik-URU; bld a mos; has a MOS, a IRK, a AFG, a PUN, a MON, a PER,

f MED, a BAG, a LAN, a SHI, a PEK, a URU, a CHU, f EGY.

TURKEY (Tallman): has a ADEN, f SUD.

Addresses of the Participants

BRITAIN: Andy York, PO Box 201117, Austin, TX 78720-1117

wandrew of compuserve.com

CHINA: Rich Goranson, 4351 Chestnut Ridge Road, #7 Amherst, NY, 14228-3227 ($5)

ForlornH of aol.com

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 722-4029 ($7)

roland6 of home.com and ICQ: 40565030

HOLLAND: Rick Desper, Bergheimer Strasse 114, 69115 Heidelberg, GERMANY (E-Mail)

rick_desper of yahoo.com or desper of math.rutgers.edu

JAPAN: Kurt Ozog, 391 Wilmington Drive, Bartlett, IL 60103, 630-837-2813

kozog of cpiconf.com

RUSSIA: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947 ($5)

wllmsfmly of earthlink.net

TURKEY: Terry Tallman, 3805 SW Lake Flora Road, Port Orchard, WA 98367, (360) 874-0386 ($0)

ttallman of linknet.kitsap.lib.wa.us

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) The RBH draw and the Russian solo proposals are rejected.

Press:

NONE

CHARLES JONES WON THE GAME AS GERMANY!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

07

08

09

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

AUSTRIA (Rick Davis)

8

7

7

7

7

7

7

5

3

2

1

1

1

1

1

1

Survived Winter 1922

ENGLAND (Jack Garrett)

1

0

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Eliminated Winter 1908

FRANCE (Harold Zarr)

7

*7

7

6

6

6

7

7

8

8

8

6

5

3

3

1

Survived Winter 1922

GERMANY (Charles Jones)

8

9

9

9

9

9

9

10

11

11

12

14

15

17

17

19

Won Winter 1922

ITALY (Stan Johnson)

0

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Eliminated Winter 1907

RUSSIA (Eric Schlegel)

1

0

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Eliminated Spring 1908

TURKEY (Glen Clark)

9

11

11

12

12

12

11

*12

12

13

13

13

13

13

13

13

Dropped Summer 1908;

(Richard Weiss) Survived Winter 1922

* = Played one short

GM: Melinda Holley, Rebel to Fall 1907 (records lost); Jim Burgess, The Abyssinian Prince to completion.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Rick Davis, 1130 Hevrin Cr., Soledad, CA. 93960, (831) 678-2132 days, (831) 678-4470 eve.

redavis914 of aol.com

FRANCE: Harold Zarr, 215 Glen Drive, Iowa Falls, IA 50126-1957, (515) 648-2821

GERMANY: Charles Jones, 1722 Quail Circle, Corona, CA 91720-4155, (909) 735-8981

RUSSIA: Eric Schlegel, 314 Fords Lane, Aberdeen, MD 21001, (410) 272-3314

TURKEY: Richard Weiss, 500 Beale St. # 104, San Francisco, CA 94105, (415) 512-7221

rcw of sirius.com or rcw23 of hotmail.com

GM: Jim-Bob Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327, (401) 351-0287

Game Notes:

1) Endgame stats here. Last chance for endgame statements. Rick Davis, Charles Jones, and Eric Schlegel get ONE more issue after this one and then that's it unless they subscribe. Thanks for playing, guys!! Sorry for the long wait for these endgame stats.

Press:

(NEW YORK TIMES): The war is finally over in Europe. The German army's successful fall campaign in France and Austria, during the fall months of 1922 was the turning point of the long bitter war in Europe. As the Turkish army settled down to war as usual in winter quarters, the Germans unleashed their most successful campaign yet. With their new secret weapon, developed in rebuilt English factories, the tank. (Named tanks, because under a choke of secrecy the factories were said to be building water tanks, to confuse enemy spies.) Used in large groups in the open spaces of Russia, German mobile forces broke out of the Ukraine and swept down on Odessa, Rostov, and Sevastopol. It has been reported that in the first two weeks of November, German forces destroyed three Turkish Army corps in the southern Ukraine front alone. No one really knows who was more surprised, the Germans or the Turks, when after five weeks the German eastern armies were in Baku, Tbilisi, and Samarkand. While in the west, Russian armies had swept as far south as Varna in Bulgaria. The only Turkish hold out being the fortress city of Sevastopol, but all the rest of the Turkish eastern armies were destroyed.

This would have been shattering by itself, yet in the west the German fleet left Gibraltar on Christmas Day and surprised Turkish forces in Tangier, taking the city and docks intact, again using the new weapon, the tank. They swept North Africa clear of the Turkish units all the way to Tripoli, before stopping to rest and refit. Denied of its forward bases in the Western Mediteranean, the Turkish fleet was trapped against the Italian coast and defeated in the largest sea battle of all time in the Ligurian sea. The battle raged all down the Italy coast until the survivors were destroyed in the Malta channel. The German fleet then took the forward base of Malta. Meanwhile the entire Italian countryside erupted in a revolt, starting right after the Pope was executed by the Turkish governor in Rome. All of Italy was cleansed of Turkish units in a few weeks, allowing the Germans to get as far east as Zagreb, before they were halted in early March. Leaving the oversized Turkish army group headquartered in Budapest no choice but to pull back to the Tirane, Skopje, Sofia, Kirklarteli line. With the land threat on the Dardanelles by a sudden German southward push out of Burgas, the Turkish Black Sea fleet was forced to move its larger naval units out of the Black Sea. This ended up stabilizing things in the Eastern Mediterranean somewhat, but allowed the small German and pro-German Russian naval forces greater freedom and put pressure on the naval supply line to Sevastopol. It's said that it is only a matter of time before Sevastopol is starved into submission.

The Sultan was taken out of his palace by an angry mob who were going to castrate him. Yet the biggest Turkish secret was revealed to the public, when they pulled down his pants, he was ball-less already.

(GERMANY >> > BARNO): You, of course, didn't notice the Austrian giving all his centers to the Turk awhile back? You are loser, just like Richard.

(GERMANY >> > FRANCE): Thanks for the help. I don't remember what orders I changed. Sorry it took you by surprise!

(GERMANY >> > AUSTRIA): Instead of a one dot survival, you could have won. Yabba-dabba that doo. I don't look for congratulations just for a win, you should do likewise.

(GERMANY >> > TURKEY): I never could have won if you'd played your optimum move. You could have stopped me by supporting the French centers. Idiot!!!!!!

(GERMANY >> > BOARD): I always voted for a German win. I voted for the draws that included France and didn't include Austria until I decided that I could win. Note last game's press, the Austrian or Turk are voting against all draws to drag this game out. ((Even now, I won't verify any draw votes, suffice it to say that there was at least one person not voting or voting no each season.)) I always vote the optimum draw. The goal is to win the game with the fewest number of players sharing in the draw. The easiest way to do this is to kill the other players.

(GERMAN ENDGAME STATEMENT): When this game started, I set up a plan that I would follow to win. This is one thing that I've done in every game that I've played. I have played four postal Diplomacy games and I have won three of them. My plan was to get all the centers between Moscow and Spain. The allies part of my plan fell apart right from the beginning. I wanted to ally with Austria and England. What I ended up with was France and a so-so Austria. I never did trust Austria and it ended up proving out that I was right. It is always surprising to me to have a player just not be willing to do anything until he has nothing left to give. Both Russia and Austria were like that in this game. The most satisfying part of this game was killing the Russians by taking St. Petersburg, not the win. He had been such a pain in the butt the whole game that it was nice to end his life. This game started with Germany at war with both England and Russia. Just as things were coming under control, Austria stabbed and I was back where I started, stalled in a slow advance. Both Austria and Turkey at one time could have pulled a win, and both played poorly in the mid-game, and worse in the end-game. The only reason I did end up pulling off a win is Turkey never played his optimum moves. He always seemed more interested in writing press than playing the game.

I always play the game with the simple plan that I'll do exactly like I promise. This usually gives me one or two good allies. I'll only stab if I can win, and France made it simple for me, by allowing the stab and working with it. My guess is Harold was as sick of Richard Press Release Turkey as I was. Either way, the plan was to get a solid line from Moscow to Munich and turn west to get the centers I needed to win the game. I decided to make this my goal because of the difficulty of getting German fleets into the Mediterranean.

The other way I win is by playing my optimum moves, always using the strengths of the Country that I am playing. Each country has ideal countries to ally with and I focus on allying with those countries.

((Thanks, Charles, and congratulations!!! I hope we'll have some other statements next time!!!))

Personal Note to You: